Saturday, May 30, 2009

Waiting in the Sun



Lunch time I cooked some amazing pasta with obligatory standard pasta source. There must have been the remnants of chili in the sauce pan as it was slightly hot. I'm such a good cook, and nobody knows it !!!!

Sat in the sun on a bench, out in the street for about an hour. A guy who lived in the building opposite came out to smoke. After doing some improv' dance, then smoking a joint of grass, he asked if he could sit with me. At first I thought he was probably gay, as I always have a habit of being chatted-up by blokes, never women :/ He asked how I was ? I muttered in reply okay, sort-of. I asked him if his name was Johnathon, as every time I looked at my IPhone I was getting a wifi link named 'Johnathon'. He said that, that was his flatmates name. Somehow we started to talk about Buddhism, he seemed to know a lot about meditation. His girlfriend arrived, and after greeting her she walked into his building. Dom, who had now taken his large sunglasses off to reveale some heavily stoned eyelids, he asked me to wait awhile. He ran into his building and returned with a book. He said I could keep it. Though he probably only bought it for 30p at a jumble sale, I was really pleased. I thanked him and shook his hand. he then left to go see his girlfriend. Dom said he had been to university to do Philosophy. Why is it everyone I meet is a Philosopher, or teacher ??? Heh_

I was feeling fairly positive after my little encounter with Dom. Earlier a bad thing happened :/ I think you could guess what.. And I have no regret.

Found a picture of Bill Talen outside Norwich Starbucks... Downloaded the best of Queen to my Iphone.



Thursday, May 28, 2009

The days are passing very quickly. Seems like I get-up in the morning, and then it's dark again.

Today I compiled some notes on using GPU(graphic Processor Unit) for passphrase brute forcing using 'CUDA'. CUDA is a 'c' programming development platform from Nvidia. It's good, because CUDA has been used to create software for brute forcing passphrases on the WPA/WPA2 protocol. The Opensource package used from Backtrack is Pyrit. There is commercial software from Elcommsoft. The Elcommsoft package enables the workload to be distributed among 1000 workstations, also using encryption to report back the results.

Watched some primers on Assembly language.

I listened to a lot of 'The Doors' today on you tube. I know youtube links are lame, but anyway :




Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Ghost train

Been bad. Crossing the road at a pedestrian crossing. As we all crossed the road between a trafic cue of cars, a woman in her Corsa slowly edged forward hitting my leg lightly.

It doesn't matter how lightly she hit me, it could only happen to me. She shouldn't be moving at all. What gives her the right to drive into people ? No matter how lightly. I continued walking but as always, inside I was screaming to tear her out of the driving seat, and god knows what. Bastards !!!

Nothing today, walked around sniffing the air and knocking on peoples doors. If that makes any sense to you ???

Read about MD5 hash algorithm signatures on precompiled executables. And how it's a good idea to compile your executables from source when tricking antivirus software. Yawn !!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Rodney Trotter




I received a call from Steve. We arranged to go running. While I was waiting for him to arrive I took some pictures around campus. We ran around the lake and Earlham Park. Steve, though a sports' coach hasn't been doing much running recently and he's trying to get back in shape. It was a slow start, we made some distance though I have to say it was like a light walk for me... :D brag !!! brag !! Heh...






No not being big headed, it was still good. He showed me some stretching at the end also. But, of course I'm super stretchy too. Hahah!!!




After, I made egg fried rice and salmon for us. It was pretty good !!! And easy to cook ;D Steve left to go coach javelin, to some kids at the Sportspark.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Double Nice ~ Think Twice

There is only one notable thing to say today... I walked Prince of Whales Road to the train station. There is now a noticeable difference in the smell on that street. It literally looks, and now smells, of shit.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Turn of the Head

In the coffee shop today, I noticed the guy doing the PHD on lip reading waiting for someone. I kept a close eye on who he was meeting. He greeted two other computer types and proceeded to walk my direction. I was hoping they would sit close so I could try to make contact with them. Just then a old man sat on the sofa next to me wearing a 'Tour of Norwich' t-shirt. I wanted to ask him and his t-shirt to kindly fuck-off, but instead I just watched as they moved to the seats outside. He sat at a distance opposite me. I'm sure he noticed me, and he's probably now a little scared of this weirdo mentalist staring.


It's been a bad day if I'm honest. Nearly had a few fights. Called a bloke who was about to walk in front of me, a dipstick. He grab the earpiece out of my ear, I knocked his arm away, and shoved him back. Then I began to taunt him about his shoes, and how old he looked(he wasn't old). I know it's wrong but I need to vent some anger, I feel so ugly, and now I'm acting ugly. Writing all this stuff down makes it all seem so harsh, and it probably is.

I noticed Yuko waiting for a bus, she suddenly realised it was me. She had the look on her face like a rabbit caught in headlights. I turned my head and continued walking. It really hurt, and I was pretty cut-up inside, if it's such a problem to speak to me, then so be it. I don't want to make people like me.

It's actually a major factor in why I'm acting so bad, recently. The last year I've made a massive effort to try be gentle, and forgive people. If nobody likes me and I get ignored I'm less likely to care.

Though I was down anyway, I suddenly became more dark. Luckily I had just uploaded BB King tracks to my Iphone. The song Philadelphia somehow magically brought me back to my senses
So yep, m000 lets himself down again.

Am I going to have to listen to BB King constantly, that's not practical :/ or just start bullying random twats in the street, that's just mental.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Butterfly~ I'm Home Soon...

Haven't checked my tenancy agreement yet, but I think I will move or go back home soon. I would rather not go back home. Somethings got to give soon and quickly.


Walked about Norwich see if anything was happening with the sustainable event. Nothing, I guess I got-up too late. Waiting for the bus I bumped into Steve and Adam again. Adam creeped-up on me and was pretending to attack. I moved into a defensive stance and when I realised it was just Adam being a knob, I felt silly. It wasn't like full blown Karate stance but just natural defensive. Still, I think the only way he will stop is if I actually kick him in the nuts or something.






At Steves we watched Zardoz. It was very 70s, with bad acting and sound. It was quite good actually.

My Mad Existence~ Don't Keep Your Distance





Community University Engagement (CUE) East was set up a year ago. Norwich and Norfolk Sustainable Living Festival outlines practical living in a sustainable way. Thanks to a public engagement project run by the University of East Anglia.

A brief walk around I saw:

  • The Butterfly Effect map – Climate Change and the Norfolk Broads.

  • A guy trying to get people to compost their waste.


  • One of the people on the Fair Trade stall offered me fair trade chocolate, then proceeded to gather all the Indian people he could find for a group photo. (a bit odd)

    My mobile rang, it was Steve. He said I had just walked past him in the street, and we ahould meet-up. Steve and Adam had been drinking, and seemed to be on a early bar crawl. I joined them. We went from pub to pub slowly becoming drunk. Steve somehow managed to blag samples of real ale from each bar we visited. Pretending to be interested in the taste.





    Finally we went to Wensum Lodge to listen to a free folk music event which consisted of a IRA terrorist. And a bloke that I see in Marzanoes. (He was playing a right handed guitar left handed.) And a young girl who turned-out to be aged 35 ~ hmm, interesting, she attempted to play music in a loop. I've listened to alot of Philip Glass recently I became interested. I'm obviously no expert but I think there was potential for some good songs there. But I have to say when she just sang and played without the FX it was pretty good. What the fuck do I know :/

    Well, almost a life worth living today..Good.




    Tuesday, May 19, 2009

    Lost

    Tonights LCR at the University is themed as 'Chavs'. Everyone is dressed as a Chav. I must say it's difficult to tell people that are dressed-up, from the real McCoy.

    I'm turning into a tramp. People ask me for money on the street. Where as I use to give people money who asked (stupid) Now I probably have less money than them !! I'm the biggest loser. I went to Prince of Whales Road (Chav says: "What are you looking at !! I laugh at him~) to eat greasy pizza, then bought a single can of Guiness. Say no more... But I have been doing lots of chin-ups and press-ups. I'm slowely regaining my muscle and becoming trim.

    (sorry for the bad English ;)

    Saturday, May 16, 2009

    I'm Sleep, They say they have no time for me.

    Thought I would chance by the Theatre Royal, see if I could get a cheap ticket to go see Philip Glass. No such luck, I was told there were only 35 UK pound tickets left. I'm not paying that, I'm a skinflint !!! Instead, I just so happened to have DLed Koyaanisqatsi to my Iphone. I sat drinking coffee watching the people pass in the rain to the repetitive tones in my head.

    I've also DLed the kanji and kana apps for iphone. I'm finding them great.. In fact it's quite worrying how I can plug my Iphone in and listen to music browse the Internet. No need to even look at anyone let alone speak. In the evening I watched the whole first series to Nathan Barley. Watch it, it's the shit !!!!

    Emmanuel Goldstein mentioned on his radio show about kicking a old woman in the shins. Sorry, but I couldn't stop laughing. It's so wrong. I myself was bad the other day, I accidentally lost it at rush hour from the train station. I hit a business man just as he was about to walk into me. It was a rather hard strike with my thumb firmly pressed into his gut. Four other people previous to him had pushed into me, and I just lost it, I'm such a TWAT. There's someone I really want to slap, and I guess the business guy bore the brunt of my bitterness. I have started to meditate again daily on loving kindness, because I have definetly forgotten what it means. KEEP IT FOOLISH !!! YEAH !!!


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4mpJumHU-w


    This footage really mooved me today.




    Wednesday, May 13, 2009

    Saved a ten for Black, Red and Blue...


    Woke-up, unfortunately. Went to the Forum. the people from the Norwich Buddhist Centre seemed to be putting-on a display. It seemed to involve siting on a mat with your eyes closed, looking like you're doing a big shit.

    Sat on a bench looking at this street:


    Stood at the bus-stop. It's not an important detail. Here's another picture in case you don't know what a bus-stop looks like. Usually there would be more Chavs but it's not the right time of day.



    Returned to my room, back in bed asleep by 14:00.

    I discovered lots of good stuff on itunes involving Stephen K Hayes and calculus lectures.

    Tuesday, May 12, 2009

    Master of Disaster


    Tried to do last minute revision for maths exam. Arranged to meet Chris at the bus-stop at 1:10. I can't believe what I saw, some Chinese girl got on the bus wearing a very short skirt and her stocking and suspenders showing. I like to think she was making a statement. I just stared in disbelief. She must have thought I was perving, I was just trying to understand what she was thinking.

    At 2:00 we all met outside c'hall' to start the mathematics exam. It was a complete disaster. I just hope I can reassess.

    After, Chris, Powie and I went for noodles at chopsticks. Chris didn't eat all of his rice. He carried his box of rice home with him to eat later, making him resemble a food delivery boy.

    Powie and I said goodbye to Chris and went to drink coffee in the forum. We talked about social development and IT infrastructure of Papua New Guinea. His father is a main player in P.N.G, he spoke of the corrupt Australian officials who try to bribe the competition out of major business contracts, in order to force P.N.G into dealing with Australian businesses only. I gave Powie a quick run through on basic UNIX shell commands.

    Monday, May 11, 2009

    Laugh in your face


    Got haircut,

    Took introductory computing exam.

    She's been back in the country less than 10 hours. Already I've been thrown into a fit of depression. I should be revising for maths exam tomorrow, my focus has been disturbed. I think he's laughing at me. Why do I give a fuck, she hates me, he's laughing at me. I should ignore them and get on with it.

    I feel like I'm going insane. I could tell a situation was going to happening today, just by observing the people around me, passers by. They were acting different(maybe the white shirt ?). That's mad !!! But it's the truth... I FUCKING NEW IT BEFORE IT HAPPENED, AND IT DID !!

    I managed to eat something, I seem to have lots of food. But I suddenly don't want to eat. Been doing chin-ups and watched this Pob clip like 20 times now.. Oh, yeah, and now I own an Iphone.

    Sat for a few hours in silence. I want to shave my head, think it might be a mistake.








    Sunday, May 10, 2009

    You Are My Murderer

    On the way into the city today I noticed a policeman running down the central reservation of the inner ring road. He was running towards a crowd that had gathered, there was what looked to be an immigrant family standing around their kid, who I guess must have been run over on the way to church.

    Saw an old work college today. He was walking his 10 year old in the park outside my building.

    Well that's my shit life. Exam tomorrow, I've already failed, it's a given.

    Sometimes I like to walk past this asian guys office, late at night. He's always there working !!! Everytime I walk past it makes me want to try harder. Tonight I walked past he was having a power nap, curled-up into a ball on the floor Heh_ I did wonder whether he had collapsed, but no, he was definitely asleep. I returned from my long walk to see him again back, working at the PC.

    Friday, May 08, 2009

    QUACK!!!

    Been to a BBQ. Managed t get this far. Drank enoufgh. But made it home to typpe this so a good enough efoort. DRINK TEA nice. HED FEELS LIKE A TONE OF BRICKS. lets just end it nkw

    I remember someone laughing on the bus, so I probably made a twat of myself

    It's all so fucking tragic

    Thursday, May 07, 2009

    Birch Tree Breeze. Eating Cheese

    I can't believe I payed a visit to the train station to use the loos. The new thing at Norwich train station are electronic barriers. On entering the station I noticed a few more than usual police. I asked the woman on the ticket barrier if it was possible to use the toilet, and would she let me through. The reply was no, she said,"the station's a police station today," pointing out the police. I think what she meant to say was,"today is a police state." I'm not wrong !!!!

    Went to buy doughnuts at M&S instead of Tesco. I shouldn't use any supermarket really but I really hate Tesco. The guy on the checkout at M&S seemed impressed in my selection of doughnuts, he advised me that the jam ones were by far the best. Heh !!!

    Didn't do too badly today, haven't hit anyone(well, not that I remember) Payed some debts. Got some revision done. Watched Doraemo cartoon Heh._. oh, but the book !!! I bought another calculus book :/ Messaged Miyuki on FB, and got a reply. That's like almost speaking to someone, which isn't usual for me.

    I realised I have been programmed, or my mind hacked. (let's be cryptic about this) I was watching someone on the bus. It's not like me to become interested in someone else. What is it about this person that I'm drawn to ? I realised they were wearing a jumper of a certain colour, and had bright painted nails that reminded me of someone. Life really becomes boring once you spot how and why you do things.

    Slightly mad !!! I started scribbling dashes and vertical lines all over my hand, as if it's was code. wtf ?

    Wednesday, May 06, 2009

    Careless Conundrum

    First thing this morning I went to the UEA campus post room. My DVD on Allan Johnston's documentary has arrived. Like usual I travelled into the city for coffee and maths. As usual nothing happened in the city, though lately I have slipped into my old ways of not caring too much. I must suffer fools, in order to stop myself from following them. I know this, I know you know I know this. But sometimes dude I could really let rip on someone. The odds are that when or if it happens, it will be some poor unsuspecting individual that never hurt a living soul.

    Returned to my room after restocking my fridge with food to watch the DVD. The documentary was so funny. It wasn't supposed to be funny, but sometimes you had to wonder if this guy was for real (he is.) It was like a spoof Peter Kay at times.

    The Allan Johnston DVD came under the recommendation from a friend, Karamoon. I have been following karamoon's tweets lately, and connected to a live discussion on talkshoe. Nobody was sure but someone was breathing heavily into their mic, like Darth Vader had arrived. I sometimes worry that Karamoon sounds a bit like he's talking down to people. I'm sure he knows best...

    I had to go out again. I'm starting to look slightly insane again. I decided to go buy fish 'n' chips. At the chip shop I sat at the table next to an old man, both of us no place better to go. 'cept he will be dead soon, lucky him err..me(I don't know)???

    On the bus home I sat in front of two Japanese women. It was really difficult pretending I wasn't listening to their conversation. I understood some :) It would be stupid to use Japanese for the sake of showing off, but sometimes it's tempting to just blurt-out random Japanese phrases...Hahaha!!! IT'S WRITTEN ALL OVER MY FACE!!!


    Something should have been said today, I wanted to. I had to stop myself, I didn't feel I had the right. So I'm sort of saying it here...


    Tuesday, May 05, 2009

    The Basics

    Went for tuition with Robot. I had a crash course in integration for one hour.

    Paper friends have arrived in the bank. Immediately I went to buy lots of tea. I bought a pack of organic Yerba Mate tea and some Lap sang. The tea shop in Norwich also sell the Gourds (Think that's right, can't be bothered to check.) The round silver containers with a silver straw in which you drink Mate tea. I also noticed some kind of Buddhist shrine behind their counter. Bloody Buddhist and tea, what is that about ???

    After a cup of Mate tea, then bowl of noodles. Then, a cup of Lap sang tea (what more could I ask for ???) I have to do some revision work. DO REVISION GODAMIT !!!!

    Last night I sat on a cold wall for an hour. It was a nice night, the wind making rustling noises with the leaves on the tree. I felt there was an energy, a reason for being there. Still, makes a change from running until your half dead.

    Monday, May 04, 2009

    Ai shiaterkai

    Lots of people returning to university campus for exams. It's a beautiful warm windy night, just the sort of weather for a walk...

    Love you,
    M000 !!!

    Friday, May 01, 2009

    Go Play on a Road

    I lined myself-up for yet another day of hiding in my room. Just when I was on the phone to my mum, I heard a voice calling outside. Looking out the window I saw Steve. I wasn't expecting him, I guess he had come to do some revision. Instead we watched an episode of Seinfeld.

    We then went to Lewin Lab and failed to do anything constructive there too. I suggested we go buy doughnuts. On the way Steve text Adam, who just so happened to be in the LCR Pub. We met-up with Powie and Adam then went for a walk.

    During our walk I discovered Adam (who I'm moving into a house with) doesn't really want to work for the games industry, but hopes to kill babies instead. Somehow we end-up walking along the side of the busy A11 dual-carriageway, back into the city. After drinking tea at Steve's house we went to buy chips. On the walk home a group of 10 year old children shouted obscenities at us, and tried to start a fight. Great another day completely wasted.

    Thursday, April 30, 2009

    I got nothing, hid in my room all day.. I would like to say I was thinking, but not even that. Confidence is low again, I feel ugly and boring. I can't understand anyone.

    Wednesday, April 29, 2009

    Just Like Magic

    Received an encouraging message through Facebook today. It was from Miyuki, that's cheered me up no-end. I haven't seen Miyuki for awhile now.

    I'm not sure if I was allowed but I made another appointment to see Robert the maths man. Tomorrow I will try steal more maths from him..

    Sat in Norwich Cathedral's cloisters doing some maths. I was thinking it would be the ideal place to work. No !! I forgot, there's building work, and a group of mothers sat on the cloisters garth singing nursery rhymes playing the guitar. I thought about going over to them and shouting at them to SHUT-UP!! But that would just be wrong,(Heh_just kidding) actually the woman had a rather pleasant singing voice. As I got-up to leave I noticed the guy from the Greenhouse cafe. He said hello and explained he was showing a visiting friend the tourist sites of Norwich.

    Walking back to the bus stop I recognised many people mainly involved with the Greenparty. When I finally arrived at the bus stop I was pleasantly surprised to see Miyuki waiting. On the bus journey home Miyuki talked about her dissertation she has yet to write. I tried to engage her in conversation and be interesting (though I know I'm not.) Miyuki kept yawning, I like to think it's because she was tired.

    I really don't know what Japanese people are thinking. I'm sure they sometimes say one thing, but secretly mean something else. More through being polite, and not offending, probably.

    I've had a crik in my neck all day, as a consequence, a blind spot on my left side makes me keep bashing my face into doors.

    Tuesday, April 28, 2009

    Like Warm Arms Around Me

    I've done nothing, barely made it out of bed... Today was completely lost to me.

    Monday, April 27, 2009

    To Right a Write

    Spent two hours with Robert doing calculus. It was strange, he made me stand writing the functions on the whiteboard. After awhile I started to think I was a teacher, standing with one hand in my pocket pen in the other. Great fun, I love maths when I understand what's going on. I kept making conversation with Robert, I somehow felt obliged since I was stealing so much maths from him. It's his job to be learning support, though that's no reason to treat him like a maths robot. After the two hours had finished we spoke about art and science and how they may interrelate.

    I caught the smiling terrorist woman on her way down the steps. She's actually quite sweet, she said something about camping, and how we haven't got any tap water. I couldn't understand what she was saying and nodded in agreement. I think she might be South African, I hope not.

    Still no water. I haven't been able to flush my bog, It stinks to high heaven !!! A bit like Prince of Whales Street :)) Hhaahah!!!

    Was just about to go sneak into the Sportspark and have another shower. As I left the building I could smell the smell of cleanliness like someone who had just showered. I checked the tap, yes !!! We have water, let's not stink anymore !!!

    I'm leaving jars of honey dotted about the place, in the hope of making people interested in honey and bees. SAVE THE HONEY BEE !!!

    Saturday, April 25, 2009

    Sniffing the Rats

    A girl, well I think it was a girl ? called me a fucking cunt in Asda because she was in my way. I hit her basket with my shopping trolly.
    Went for my usual Saturday night cruise. Many things happend, all deeply sickening!!! Walked past Loki. Coincedence ? Walked past a group of Saturday night Prince of Whale Street twats, all calling me 'cunt'. Some kids threw an egg at me, they missed. I've twisted my ankle slightly running home, there's no real damage.

    Friday, April 24, 2009

    Out of Time

    Such a miserable day. The weather is fantastic but I'm so miserable. Collected some coursework from the CMP department. I then went to Norwich library to do some revision. As I entered the Forum library a woman with a clipboard asked me if I had some spare time to answer questions. I ignored her and continued to walk. I could here her as I walked away telling me how rude I was. Maybe I could have had her arrested for harassment ? Didn't get much done so I came back to my room, my face was looking like a slapped fish. On the way out from the library either the same woman or another tried to stop me again. Nobody speaks to me unless they want something, why can't they just fuck-off and leave me alone.

    Watched some Seinfeld then went back to bed. I thought I could kill a few hours of my worthless life, but woke only after one hour. I'm just sitting here staring into space. Obviously if I had cake maybe things would be different. I'm so old and can't see any point...

    I'm feeling provoked by strange forces and coincidence. This one person who I noticed recently. I googled his home address last night using google maps. This morning he cycled past the bus I was on at least three times, and seemed to be at every corner I turned. This sort of stuff happens a lot to me, I keep telling myself it's coincidence. But wtf ? I can't help think there must be something more to it.

    I broke into the emergency ration of tea today. I've had a packet of Oolong tea stored away for some time now. It's really quite nice, wish I had bothered to try it earlier.

    Thursday, April 23, 2009

    Maths' Mountain

    Went for my 11 a.m. appointment to go see the math dude. I got 'one to one' tuition for two hours on derivatives. It was amazing, really enjoyed it. Robert, the guy who was teaching gave loads of encouragement. I really don't like asking questions, and think I should learn stuff by myself. So, so, wrong !!! Robert's office was a tiny room with no windows, and a white board on the wall. I joked about his office not having any windows, and it being a bright sunny day outside. I think he saw the funny side, though I'm not so sure.

    After, I went to the coffee shop to do further derivatives from the worksheet Robert had given me. Then back to University to meet Steve. We sat in the kitchen doing yet more maths. After some time, we went outside into the sun to chuck a Frisbee around. I've had this fucking Frisbee ages, and only used it once. And even then it was when my niece chucked it straight at my nephew's head. Yes, he cried...

    I let Steve use my computer to scan some letters and send email. He then proceeded to look at some FHM style model pictures. Not my cup of tea. Then he was looking at porn of Japanese women, I was slightly fucking angry, and told him I was offended. He said sorry, and went home. There's no problem, and I didn't make a big thing of it. We might start meeting-up to go running and possibly some climbing... it might happen.

    Wednesday, April 22, 2009

    Got change ?

    I've been bracing myself for the next big disaster to strike. Today I saw something beautiful be destroyed. It was obviously going to happen. I hate those people with a passion, I was just trying to ignore them before. Why do they take something I admire and love, turn it into their version of useless shite. HATE HATE HATE !!!!

    Tuesday, April 21, 2009

    They are not Low Life, Just People having a Good Time...

    Didn't go outside today, just revision. Though at one point I was sitting on the balcony; a woman shouted-up asking me to let her into the building. I think she may have been a terrorist. Anyway, I let the terrorist in. She was in disguise wearing a summer dress and she also smiled alot. She had come ready prepared with the excuse, " I live on the top floor." That's good enough for me, come right on in. Anyway to cut a long story short, I've phoned the police and reported her, that will wipe the smile of her face. Who's laughing now !!! ME !! ME!!! THAT's WHO !! ! HAHAH hahaha MehahahhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sunday, April 19, 2009

    WHILE (TRUE) { Good_Times(float meta); }

    Quite a bazaar Cathedral service today. The first reading started with a frail old man hobbling up to the stand. He proceeded to read with a large booming voice that made a few people flinch. This, and the mad man standing next to me, he kept mumbling out loud the word cunts, and stamping up and down. The sermon was accompanied with organ music that wouldn't have been out of place on a horror film.

    I can now balance on the back legs of my chair for almost half a minute. I'm getting lots of practice; as it beats doing revision work. Now I only have to find some kind of real world application for chair balancing. OH dear, that would be a clown wouldn't it ?




    Saturday, April 18, 2009

    Too Many Doughnuts, errr.... Secrets...

    Woke up early got out of bed late, surprise, surprise.... Secondly, I Looked for disappointment on the Interweb, and found it.

    I received a call from my mum, we arranged a time to meet. Awesome !!! that means I'm going to eat today. I met-up with my mum, she took me for lunch at the Greenhouse. After, we walked about Norwich for a bit. There was a rather large queue of people outside the Sci-fi shop. Mum and I went to nose at who it might be giving a book signing. We couldn't see, I pretended to browse the book shelves and get a glimps at who everyone was waiting for. A poster told us that it was Craig Charles from the television series Red Dwarf. There's supposed to be a new series of Red Dwarf. It's on channel 'Dave' and therefore crap, we can only assume that the BBC saw the pilot for the new series and told them to fuck-off.

    Mum looked at some cosmetics in Boots. After what seemed like an eternity we left to walk to the bus stop. Some twat walked in front of me, but apparently it was my fault. The twat's bag somehow managed to hit my foot, as I continued to walk I heard some remarks calling me err... don't remember. I continued to walk, mum stopped to go into a paper shop, as I turned to follow I saw twat now standing at the corner of the street doing some kind of monkey dance. I gave the usual response by first looking at said twat, then laughed at him. Followed mum into the shop. As we came out I made sure I was first, expecting trouble, but he had fucked-off. Got on the park and ride to the airport.

    Mum offered to pay for a haircut. The first barber's shop I visited wanted to steal my money, how much for a trim? he said thirteen pounds. wtf? I asked the question again, and he really did mean thirteen quid. I left saying I couldn't afford it. The next barber shop I visited I asked the price but he tried to baffle me with figures. I was still unsure of the price, though it was going to be somewhere in the region of nine pounds. It started at seven pound fifty for trim with clippers, or, Nine pound for scissor cut. When it was time to pay I gave ten pounds, and received fifty pence change.

    Watched some tube clips for maths as revision.http://www.teachertube.com

    Friday, April 17, 2009

    Bye Bye Miss butterfly..

    Did some more revision under the Henry Moore with Steve. It became a bit too windy so we moved to a secret location within campus. We found an area with leather sofas, it was so comfortable and after a while we didn't want to move back to our small rooms.

    Later I left to go see my old friend Pete. Leaving plenty of time to get there. Oh dear, I worry that people think I'm following them. It's because sometimes I will bump into someone completely by chance but it always seems like I planned it. I knew of a friend who would be going to a party around the same time I travelled into the city. On the bus I noticed some others that I knew were going to the same place as the party. Shit, if I'm seen they are going to think I'm being a creep. I got off of the bus before the others, good I lost them. Some minutes later walking through the city centre I noticed the same people walking ahead of me. Damnit, it still looks like I'm headed the same direction as them. With earphones and rucksack I ran past them and a further 100 yards ahead. Well, that didn't look dodgy did it ?

    Finally met Pete in the car park of where I use to work. We caught-up with each other's news for half an hour then said goodbye, with a promise to keep in touch.

    Ran back into the city with weighted rucsack on my back. I think I remember at one point some twat pushed me on my shoulder (I just ignored him) and a little girl screamed at me as I ran past. Why I mention this, I don't know. Why I haven't violently assaulted anyone yet, I don't know.

    Been listening to 'The Waterboys' a lot recently on my Ipod. Philip Glass will be coming to Norwich soon. Not sure I can afford the ticket, or afford my lack of self worth, going to see him on my own.

    Thursday, April 16, 2009

    Digging for Fire

    Wasted lots of time doing google searches for servers and passwords, and the old webcam trick. Listened to number station youtube music. Managed to do a very little amount of revision on complex numbers. I was going to see an old friend at 8:30pm but I was running late. Instead I returned a library book, then, walked around Norwich as quickly as I could. Then half fast walking and half jogging back to Uni. I tried to push myself as much as possible. I was holding too much energy and needed a release....


    :( The girl from the room next door is squealing like a dog again. I can only assume there's some kind of murder taking place...

    Wednesday, April 15, 2009

    Swot Swot...

    Finally decided to leave my room after laying about listening to Philip Glass on last.fm. I opened my door to find the cleaner standing in the hall, she was scribbling into a notebook. I must have given her a fright, dropping her notebook she was startled by my sudden appearance. She seemed to me to be hiding something. She quickly explained that she had to make notes on any damages for the head housekeeper.

    Steve came over we sat outside in the sun under the Henry Moore sculpture revising C++. Steve's a good guy really, there's only one problem, and he will admit this openly. He's a incredible letch, I don't say anything but sometimes I find it embarrassing.

    Steve knows people from Thetford that I went to college with. I mentioned someone I thought he might know, his response was, " yeah, he died of a heroine overdose." This guy I mentioned was quite a scary person, I didn't know him well, but he had invited himself a lift back home. The last time I saw him we were jumping into my car after a folk festival, making a quick get away... Harsh!

    Later Steve went to the Sportspark to train some kids for the Athletics club. I returned to my room HUMph!!

    Watched some security clips....
    http://www.securitytube.net/

    Saturday, April 11, 2009

    Japan Resort

    The next few days will be rubbish, I've got no money left. I plan to visit Japan Resort in Second Life about four or five in the evening if you want to meet-up...


    Went to get money on my credit card, denied. Went to go to the bank to get statement, oh yeah, it's Good Friday. There was a european market in the city centre...rubbish. There was also a fair in the park, not interested. Bought two onions and returned home. Somehow managed to waste another 12 hours checking email and Facebook in various states of undress. Took a couple of showers, just for fun. Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Krammer tries to live in the shower. Oh yeah watched some Seinfeld series 1 and B.S.G. I'm so alone.

    Thursday, April 09, 2009

    a look on the Light Side

    Things that have made me laugh today. Not laugh out loud in an insane way, so that people edge away from you on public transport !!! Honest!! Heh_

    1) Some dude wearing a MiyaZaki t-shirt, why is that funny ? :/

    2) Walking past the campus bookshop and seeing the book 'Core Pathology', yeah I know, this isn't really funny either !!

    3) A bloke dressed as a 50's style Spiv, complete with hat waist coat and half undone old suitcase.

    4) Remembering the Doughnuts I bought, and finding them in my rucksack

    5) and something else, I can't remember, obviously not so hilarious.. I remembered !!! `Twas a sandwich board outside the museum publicising an Easter egg hunt for children. It was placed in front of the large dungeonesque entrance. Very sinister looking !!! Am I too weird for thinking like that ?


    V=

    Wednesday, April 08, 2009

    Sweet Dreams

    Got up very late again.. about 11:30. Went for coffee and maths and my friend the calculator. I'm better friends with my basic calculator than the graphic calculator. The graphic calculator has more features but I never know what buttons to press. Thought I would stop at china world to buy some packet noodles. I asked the woman which ones didn't contain meat. She short changed me by one pound. The price totalled one pound fourty-eight, I gave her two pound fourty-eight. As she handed me the receipt she said would you like a bag. I was a Little confused that she didn't give me change, but I just said no thank-you and left, assuming that I would receive some sort of reward later in the afterlife.

    On the way back I was trying to cross the road, standing by the side of the parked cars, suddenly, a car full of old people drove at me from the other side of the road, blocking the oncoming traffic and the people behind them. They were trying to park in the empty space but they weren't happy with just parking. I had to move as well. I crossed the road in front of the 4x4 behind them which proceeded to sound its horn at me. I just ignored them, but I was ready to snap at this point. I had to get to the bus stop quickly before I started being the twat that I am.

    Up at 11am and I was back in bed 3pm, I've slept like a corpse for five hours.

    Tuesday, April 07, 2009

    Bum Note Records

    GEH !!! my memory has gone because I just spent most of the day walking around. OK..

    Saw Powie in the campus shop he pretended not to see me and I didn't let on I saw him too. Maybe he's read what I wrote about him. Most people try to walk away from me nower days, I can't say I'm bothered..

    1) Did some reading in the Forum coffee place. A strange woman sat near me and seemed to be trying to catch my attention. She wore strange boots like she was some kind of dominatrix, and her perfume was over powering. The other side of of where I sat, was a young lady giving helpful advice to a middle aged lady. She seemed to have all the right answers, as she helped sort the womans troubles. She seemed so wise, I was rather attracted to her, as you know that doesn't happen to me often. Not sure why but the woman with the boots made me think of Les Dawson playing the piano, hitting all the wrong notes. After doing some maths problems using my clipboard (Hahah!! I'm such a twat) I returned to campus.

    2) Walked around the park and then the lake.

    3) Went for a long walk into the city. I hadn't planned to, I was actually walking to the petrol station but then I just kept going. Coming out of Tescos a group of kids asked me for spare change. No, but I got this plastic bag to tape 'round your face, you little turd...

    4) Took a look around the Library only to find I hadn't got my library card on me. So back to my room by bus, as I got on some chav shouted something at me, I couldn't hear him as I had my headphones on.

    4) Got library card and return to the library. Made the mistake of walking Prince of Whales road with a book on `Mathematics for Science Students' under my arm. As I walked past one girl she shouted, "fuck-off you gay !!!" *cackle*. Got the bus home, drank tea slept for ages, might do some revision.

    I've eat lots of junk food today, it's probably replacement for human affection.




    Monday, April 06, 2009

    Contracted Friends






    Called Adam to tell him we will meet at noon to see Sean, our potential landlord. I mentioned that I was just off into the city to meet Chris. Adam decided to come along too. In the coffee shop Adam decided that the tea packets on display were like condom packets. He took great delight in shouting, "I thought they were condoms, Hahah !!! Earl Grey condoms." I was slightly fucking embarrassed but just went along with it. Chris finally arrived and we caught the bus back to campus. As we reached UEA we saw Sean. He was speaking on his mobile, and obviously having a private conversation. I looked over and waved just as Adam and Chris started to walk straight towards him. I can only imagine they intended to try purposefully piss him off. We headed to the CMP lab to get some free print-outs of the contract.

    After the meeting in which I was the only person to pay cash on the deposit, we headed back into the city to eat noodles at Chopsticks. I now know what people feel like when they get stuck with me as I tag along. Difference is I would rather people just be rude if they didn't want me there. So now I'm locked-in to living with people I find difficult after 10 minutes let alone 12 months. They joked about how I will have to go clubing with them.

    On the anger front, things aren't much better. I'm throwing myself in to maths and possibly giving-up Facebook. Always filled full of disappointment.

    Sunday, April 05, 2009

    Please Don't be-Long my sweet

    Sat drinking coffee with a book on Algebra. Met Powie at the bus stop. He said he hadn't eaten for three days and had just stuffed himself on noodles at Chopsticks, a strange choice of breakfast really. He got offended when I told him if he ever needed food I'd give him mine. He then went on to ask why I was dressed-up and had I been to church. I've just run-out of clean clothes to wear accept my white shirt. Back at campus we went for a walk around the lake. Powie is from a very different culture and some of the stuff he says is just harsh. He told me that he sometimes kicks cats and dogs, and when he was younger he stuck kittens in a mango tree to see if they could get down. There was loads of other harsh shit but I'm not going to divulge.

    Went to my room and read some security sites. Then quickly became bored soI went for a walk in to the city and back. Walked around hoping to bump in to anyone I know, there was no-one. Where has everyone gone ? It's Easter break so campus seems so empty like my fridge..

    I will lay-off the running tonight. It's no longer a healthy kind of running. It's running because of the need to; so tired today. It's now like a mental illness where I will run until I collapse, and then decide I haven't done enough, start all over again.. like punishment, I want punishment.

    Later in the night I went for long walk, did lots of rolling and throwing myself down steps. I'm bruised all over but I still feel nothing... nothing is ever right, what the fuck is wrong with me, I think trees and lamp post might become bone and teeth soon I have to keep control, I will spend a large portion of tomorrow thinking quietly. This will come about a dramatic change, as I will channel energies to something positive.

    Saturday, April 04, 2009

    Too far to fall, so high to climb

    Sorry, nothing happened today:(

    Met with mum, she bought me food and wash stuff. Mum kept asking what was wrong, and why I was looking so sad.

    On the bus home the girl from Arizona, who lives across the hall got on. I walked back to my room with her. She's really introverted, shy but, nice. She spoke about how she's learning to speak French language but hates France. She will only be here for six months and doesn't have anyone to talk to.

    Sat in my room the rest of the night, I'm afraid I started thinking again and started to become very angry. I'm sure you don't care, but it's about one particular person. He's actually really nice, and a good guy. This makes it more difficult as the hate slowly builds in my mind. Hate and Violence never achieves anything, doesn't matter, it's there, no-good just pretending. When I next see him I will try my best to be friendly. I think this might be difficult to do :(

    Oh yeah, another thing... WTF is Harajuku Lovers Fragrance, so angRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I could eat easter eggs whole :((((((((((

    Friday, April 03, 2009

    Interesting

    Cor has emailed me, lucky I spotted his email amongst the spam. Sorry Cor I haven't been putting much effort into these updates and the interesting stuff that happens in my life has to sometimes be cut. Usually I'm just moaning about shit on this blog and some stuff I maybe shouldn't write about.

    Today I was invited in the best way possible to a BBQ. I received a txt, giving me the postcode of the house. Straight onto google maps and I had the location and a picture of the house. That's the best invite I ever received. At around 12:30 I went to the city to buy some beer and fish for the BBQ.

    There were four of us at the BBQ. We all got pretty drunk 'cept Powie who is a Jehovah's I think. At one point he acted offended as I brought the subject of cannibals. When does that ever normally happen that someone else in the group has a grandfather who was possibly a cannibal. After eating meat and fish we watched some Southpark. I was petty drunk walking home and almost forgot about all my troubles. I expect to become drunk more often.

    Wednesday, April 01, 2009




    Didn't go to London, instead I sat in my room typing my 'personal development plan.' I hate having to do this, but it's coursework.

    It's been a nice day again. Went for a walk around the park to try figure-out what I'm going to put in my PDP. Bumped into someone from my course(that wasn't the person I was looking for!!!) we discussed the assignment and I might of accidentally told him that I thought all the people on our course were losers. Of course I'm the only real loser.

    When I was a kid after a four hour session of playing pacman or frac I would go to bed seeing the game still in my mind. This has been happening to me recently but in a slightly different way. I'm sometimes having nightmares about the little red notification symbol on Facebook. It's different because the significance of the Facebook indicator has real life social meaning.

    Met Steve, he's been working as a guide for openday on campus. We went for a walk around the lake. We're planning to start a elite group of CMP students sometime in the near future...it will never happen Heh

    Tuesday, March 31, 2009

    Scores on the Shores

    Woke up early today, partly so that I could get a decent shower with warm water. Not burning hot, and not freezing cold.

    There's been many programmes about Japan recently on the BBC. One mentioned the suicide rate. Every year apparently 30,000 people kill themselves. A friend has also mentioned this fact to me. She says that she also has known and stopped friends that have felt depressed. I couldn't comment on why the suicide rate in Japan is so high, but I'm lead to believe that it's due to bullying and working long hours. But I wonder if there's something within Japanese culture that is contributing to the problem. Then again what the fuck do I know...

    Some drunk smelly person was knocking about Tesco. He stood really close to me as I scanned my goods into the automatic checkout. Just as I was paying he started to ask me if I used a Tesco card and I could use his if I like. Didn't bother looking at him, just said no and blanked him. Something else that was strange was the other day some well dressed elderly man asked me for a pound to get home. I didn't think I heard him properly at first. As I leaned in to hear better, he stumbled back on his walking stick as if he thought I was going to hit him.

    I've failed maths, I'm sure of it. Soon I will take the exam which will be 80% of the module; so there maybe a chance to recover. I fucking hope so, if anyone is capable of failing foundation level it's me.

    Recently I gained the full first series of Seinfeld and Battlestar Galactica. Seinfeld never bores me, I can watch it over and over...

    It was nice weather today, I totally spent it alone.

    Met with Chris the other day. He looks so young, and he is. I'm fed-up, desperate to hear from my friend. I get the feeling it's all one sided on my part, in reality she hardly even recognises me as someone that even exists. Soon like most people I have known in my life she will be gone forever.

    Another person from my school contacted me. They work in London during the week as a manager or something, he is a nurse. In his email he says, "I'm glad to see you doing well for yourself." If only he knew.

    Oh Yeah, one other thing. There seems to be some kind of dirty protest going on in the kitchen. Nobody is clearing-up and they leave bits of food everywhere. Also, lots of broken bottles just left precariously in piles on the table.

    Friday, March 27, 2009

    He's the Bad Boy

    Sat drinking coffee in Forum, using my eeepc to practice passing by address. It's true !!! You can't find decent Jazz CDs in Norwich. HMV is rubbish, so I ventured Anglia Square into the old record shops. Much better, I found a second hand CD for a friend. Though I'm not sure if it's really the kind of thing she was expecting. Not many piano solos.

    Couldn't sleep, watched some Battle Star Galactica, it's not too bad. People have rated it as the same as 'The Wire' so I'm giving it a go. So I couldn't sleep, kept thinking about where has everyone gone. OK enough of that. I went for a run into the city and various places. On the way back drunk twats walking behind me started saying," let's get him." More of a drunk joke I guess, not really funny. I stopped and stood there while they walked past me, I don't give a fuck I want to be beaten-up. That way I might know I'm still exist. The girl kept saying, "please don't, leave him." But they just walked past. So I continued to walk, this time behind them. They started to joke and one put his arm around me pointing to his friend saying,"he's the one, he's the bad boy." I just laughed and then they fucked-off. Shame really this has been my third attempt to get attacked in the past two months. If you try with a group of men who are bigger than you they won't attack because you're too small. So I need to find someone with small mans complex.

    Wednesday, March 25, 2009

    Shake my Teeth

    WTF? My cleaner this morning played me a pornographic ring tone on her mobile. She' in her 50s. Also, she keeps showing me pictures of her 16 year old granddaughter. I had to stand for about three minutes pretending to laugh while listen to such lyrics as," Yogi bear, Yogi bear, stuck it in her mouth."

    Luckily I could listen to Belle and Sebastian on Last.fm instead. I never been to Tokyo but I like this song anyway, and look there's running in the video too. I do that, that's me that is. I wish;)

    Bumped into someone I really like today, they hate me. I care, but I'm in denial. Walked away grinning like a fool, which of course I am.





    Tuesday, March 24, 2009

    Let us be Appalling

    Didn't bother to go outside today, shame, it looked like nice weather. Watched aprogramme about Japan and Japanese fish. I don't think I'm ever going to make it to Japan, I'm too mental. Spent some time practicing bowing in front of a mirror. I have a new theory that if I act very lazy I will hopefully begin to feel guilty and do loads of work. The guilt hasn't kicked in yet, just drinking lots of tea.

    This is a poem...well done me_

    Lazy Ambition

    Lazy ambition
    Eyes half closed, watching the clouds
    Life escaping me

    Loveless mind, blank light
    Effort expended not worth
    Not worth the effort

    Shadow of a soul
    I leave myself behind with
    With nobody near

    Lifeless dead shadows
    Nearing the death of my life
    Lazy ambition

    Timothy Weiermann

    Monday, March 23, 2009

    Fagin's Workshops and Seminar

    Didn't get out of bed 'till eleven today. I just lay listening to last.fm with the curtains closed. One of the downsides to living in campus accommodation is that the cleaner enters the room every day around 10. It forces you to get dressed and not sit about stark bollock naked. Hmmm, maybe that's a good thing.

    At two I went to C-hall to debate this weeks paper, haptics. I hadn't read the paper, and Adam the guy who suggested we read it, didn't even turn-up. Somehow I managed to turn the level of conversation to credit card fraud. It was obvious that everyone now sees me as a criminal. I made a basic mistake, not keeping the mouth closed.


    One thing that was mentioned was that the University have bought about 12 haptic pens. Hopefully next week we may get to play with them. They cost about 5000 dollar each. They are considered cheap, and because of this I guess it was made cheaply too(apparently they break very easily.)


    Link: Last.fm~The Killers




    Friday, March 20, 2009

    Dharma Bowl Overdraft

    Arrived early at Norwich Buddhist Centre. There seemed to be someone i hadn't met before on reception, he was very friendly and welcoming. While I waited on the sofa, a large bald headed man came in to enquire about meditation class. They said that a class was about to start and that he was welcome to join in. You could tell that he didn't really want to as he made a half arsed excuse. Instead he asked about a CD on learning to meditate. He went further to explain that he would soon be going to Thailand to become a monk... wtf ? I wasn't convinced, then again, who am I to say ?

    A lot of hints were made to leave a donation*cough* in the dharma bowl. I have no money, but through guilt I left a fiver, I don't think I will be going back. Not sure yet..

    Recieved another MSG from an old school friend. Maybe when I next walk past him in the street I will say HI!! He is married with two boys, a house, many cars and probably new teeth :( Some of the memories though, Heh_ so funny..

    Some hippy looking dude sat near me in Marzanos. He was on his mobile and seemed to be in an argument, he kept saying out loud, "There's a great big loaf in the veg box!!!" He hung-up, then a few seconds latter he was trying to ignore the rather groovy ring tone. Answering again he repeated, this time more firmly stating out loud,"there's a great big loaf in the veg box!!!" GEH, I guess you had to be there.
    I wasn't necessarily laughing at him, just how bazaar the argument was sounding:)

    Thursday, March 19, 2009

    Character Study this, Fucker !!!

    Nothing to report, moan moan moan, still full of hate !!!

    Been in the computer lab most of the day working on pointers and parsing by reference.

    A SHIT DAY~ I think everyone is dead now.





    You Only Live Twice

    Met potential landlord with the two people from my course. I haven't even seen the inside of the house yet. They are already talking about BBQs, I'm not sure about living with meat eaters. Still, I've got no other options.

    It was a nice day today, somehow I spent it sitting with said course mates in Anglia Square eating 1 pound Iceland choc ices. I want to kill myself_ instead I've been for an early morning run into the city and back under the watchful eye of the police.

    Got my eeepc back with fixed keyboard. Managed to build-essentials but it still broke the openoffice packages even after pinning.

    What am I going to do? My view of myself is at a all time low. I hate me, even the Buddhists hate me...

    An old friend from way back got in contact with me from friends reunited. He and his family are successful estate agents and letting agency. I will write back to him, but it will be embarrassing explaining the last fifteen years. I know he has seen the dark too, 'cept his family are loaded and gave him a ready made job..

    Sunday, March 15, 2009





    Tried to embed this 'Last.Fm' into the sidebar : Failed...

    Tried to find-out how to parse vectors to functions in C++ : Failed...

    Tried to communicate with the opposite sex : Failed...




    Lookin the other Way

    Before I met-up with mum, I sat drinking coffee in the Forum (surprise) I have to read a sixteen page paper about `haptics'. The more I read about haptics the angrier I feel; think I managed to read two pages before I gave-up.

    Norwich Stop the War were doing a vigil outside, I did a pretty good job of ignoring them.

    Mum took me to the Greenhouse for lunch, as always the people were top notch. It's always a pleasure to find solace there, away from the crowds of shoppers. If you have friends it's the best place you can take them to.( I nearly got into a fight (surprise)

    Later when it had gotten dark, I was walking back to Constable Terrace. I noticed the rabbits suddenly start to run away from the trees. It made me think someone was in woods. Then with the sound of smashing glass three chavs on bicycles came careering down the road. It was too late to find a brick and chuck it at them. Like the Alan Partridge I am, I went to the security lodge to report them, in the vain hope they would catch hold of them and presumably drown them in the river.



    Friday, March 13, 2009

    Make Haste

    Went for meditation class, some good points were discussed. Stuff that people who strive for understand and truth probably already understand. It's good to be reminded of the basics. Unfortunately I always come to the same conclusion; that love is never something that I can have. It's never going to happen for me. If this is true then what will it mean ? I'm pretending to move forward but deep down I can't see any future. I will never be able to trust anyone. (It's selfish I know, I think there is a right time to shout and not be silent.)

    I was supposed to go view a house today. I just sat in the Forum drinking coffee. When I returned to my room I saw thirteen messages sent to my mobile. I should care but I don't.

    Making miso soup with sea vegetables and rice, maybe I will feel OK after, and stop being such a miserable fool.

    Boldy is Boldy

    Hey !!! Boldy I saw you looking.. thought I had lost you there.

    Had to hand in presentation slides for my talk on Open Source. We will be the last group to speak on Monday. Been revising the C++ and messing with functions and parsing by reference.

    Today was dark.. again :/ at one point I went back to bed and lay in a tight ball listening to `Loveless', the My Bloody Valentine Album.

    Off to view potential rented housing tomorrow, fun fun fun... I really don't understand people at all

    Wednesday, March 11, 2009

    Good Morning

    Once at the Oriental Arts Centre I overheard a conversation about one of the martial arts instructors ex-girlfriends. She kept turning-up to his class. Surely this was very inconsiderate of her to be where she knew he would be. She was not a considerate person...

    If I knew I was to go somewhere I'm not welcome, I would be fully in the wrong. I should expect some consequences from this action.

    Karamoon: Photos From Afghanistan

    Karamoon: Photos From Afghanistan

    Thursday, March 05, 2009

    Pretty Rain CLoud Friend

    Up with a shower then cup-a-tea in time for C++ lecture. We did basic C++ functions. Passing by value, passing by reference. In the lecture things were explained in a simple manner, it's good not get bogged down with complexity. Sometimes functions and pointers become confusing. There's no need to think of it as memory address space at this level, just say 'pass by value.'

    The weather was turning-out nice again so I went for a walk in Earlham Park. Stopped to do some meditation in the garden. Just then, I felt light rain on my face, looking up I saw a fluffy rain cloud. The rain was quite pleasant, and I knew it would soon pass by. It is right to give praise; I thank-you 'Pretty Rain Cloud' it means more to me than you know. I hope I see you again soon..Hheh_wtf ? WWww

    Keep getting the day wrong, for some reason I thought it was Friday. I caught the bus into town to go to the Buddhist centre. Oh Yeah, it's Thursday !! Fuck it !! I'll just wonder around for a bit, then come back to campus.

    Spent the rest of the day in the Lab, messing with C++ functions...

    The past couple of days have been a mixture of great joy and unsurprising hopelessness.

    All harsh language in this text is purely for effect, and does not accuretly reflect the true feelings of contributer_

    Monday, March 02, 2009

    Shine like the Sun

    Such a good day, the weather has been beautiful. Bumped into Yuko today on the way to my lecture. I was so happy, I haven't seen Yuko in a long while. She showed me some great pictures she had taken, of the Crocuses in Earlham Park.

    In my lecture we were supposed to be discussing a technical paper, the conversation went wildly off topic, as they started to discuss religion and science. I just sat grinning to myself, I was having such a good day...

    Back at the flat, maintenance had been fixing door handles. Shawn had been cooking in the kitchen, when he returned to his room, he discovered they had finished and locked his door along with his room key inside. I had to lend him some trainers so he could walk down to the security lodge. He invited me to go out tomorrow to the L.C.R. it's not really my thing. We also talked about getting a house sorted for next year.

    Sunday, March 01, 2009

    They can't Take that Away, from Me

    Went to the cathedral for morning service. There was a guest giving the sermon, 'Father Gregory Fruehwirth, Guardian of the Julian of Norwich, Wisconsin USA, it was good though at first I was a little mislead as to what he was saying.

    I came to remember a TRUTH today that I had forgotten. Still can't concentrate, Still sometimes thinking of the ultimate solution.

    Saturday, February 28, 2009

    The Less We Say About it the Better

    (broken keyboard) Had one of my strange nightmares last night. For some reason when I awoke, I had the feeling that I had to go to the train station, so I did. It wasn't until I was on the bus traveling into Norwich, I realised a thought from my dream, that was of someone saying to me, "I saw you at the train station." I don't know what I thought I would find there, and no surprise, nothing! I just had this odd feeling that I had to go. One thing I noticed is the new barrier they put across the concourse.

    Walked to the Forum to do some maths and a little C programming. The music they play in that place is dire, still you can't complain, can you?

    Back in my room I received a phone call. "We're outside, come out." I didn't actually know who it was, and I hadn't arranged to meet anyone. I looked outside and there was no-one there- Eh? After a couple of minutes I took another look outside to see Adam and Chris; two of my course mates. Apparently we had arranged to go look at a house to rent. They have asked me to move in with them, mainly because they cant find anyone and I'm their last choice, as Maginde's parents told him he has to remain on campus next year.

    We walked bloody miles through housing estates to find the house, which was currently occupied by three Chinese people. After knocking we entered, I felt a bit weird, it was eleven in the morning and they were still in their pajamas eating breakfast. They still had a Christmas tree in their front room Heh_ Well anyway, the place was in a bad area, and was too small.

    We sat on the side of the road waiting for the bus back into town. Chris kept playing the song, 'Don't worry be happy' from his mobile; it was like being in a badly made film.

    Before going our separate ways Chris and Adam bought hot dogs. While waiting in the queue we received some abuse from some Chavs.

    Adam and I returned to the UEA to sit in my room watching "Monkey Magic", Yes another productive day..

    Friday, February 27, 2009

    Act your Age

    Went to an early math lecture, it was crap. Travelled into Norwich with some friends to go eat at Chopsticks. I was the oldest out of the three of us by about 100 years. Came home, slept alot.

    I like Your Pole

    Attempted to update my CV. There's just an endless list of rubbish jobs, done previously. Yesterday there was mention of part-time work in an office.

    Met Steve in the CMP common room to discuss our presentation. We didn't get much done, the presentation has to be a convincing argument on switching UEA education and research software to open source.

    I mentioned:

    chaos computer club CCCTV
    Richard STAllman
    Linus Torvald
    freshmeat.net
    gnu

    I don't think anyone listened or I didn't explain properly.



    A young girl sat in front of me on the bus today. I mention this because I was nearly violently sick..Heh. Her perfume was so stRONG!! At first not too bad, but the more I tried not to breath the worse it got. I actually felt ill and had a headache, I guess I could have just moved to another seat, but I didn't want to offend. All day the smell was impregnated into my mind, even after shower I could taste like it had invaded my internal organs, no exaggeration.

    Went for coffee and martial arts. At the coffee shop a woman asked me what was in my bag. When I explained it was a Bo staff I felt I had to explain further. "It's for martial arts." She then started saying sorry and looked uncomfortable. Then she wanted to know what martial arts, lucky enough it was my turn in the queue to be served, I dodged the question.

    At Budo I was shit, I cant even master the basics. It's good to be very critical of yourself, but, every week I get worse.

    Wednesday, February 25, 2009

    Now I Want to be Your Dog

    Had absolutely nothing to do today, well, not officially. Today I was determined to find work. Any old crap will do, 'cept no chemicals errr... no killing animals hmmm.. no making of electronic devices designed to monitor people. OK.. I'll just say I'll do anything, and when the job they offer me turns-out to be crap, I can just walk away.

    I went to the job centre again today, the less said the better. The place is like a refugee camp.

    Went to the employability office, on campus. No help, just look, "we've got a computer and here's our website."

    Spent the rest of the day reading security related papers, and pretending I was dead.

    Saturday, February 21, 2009

    Imposter-able

    After a fantastic early mornings walk, I had a great breakfast of honey toast and Lapsang tea then orange juice. I spent the day inquiring in shops about work. Most people just laughed. I'm rapidly running-out of money. I have also secretly been boiling with anger inside. Luckily it;s only on the inside, despite it being Saturday and Norwich very busy, I had no trouble.

    Went for a walk around Earlham park lunch time. I think it might be something I will do everyday from now on.

    The internet is down in my room, so I;ve had to hack a wireless connection. I'm standing on the balcony trying to get a good signal. Oh, my mobile rang. That never happens, what a surprise, wrong number!!!

    THE BADGER PARADE IS LOOKING GOOD, SO FAR !!!
    I been listening to this song today, over and over...


    Friday, February 20, 2009

    Sly Fox

    I was going to spend the day looking for a Part-Time job. There's no point in asking face-face at the local supermarkets, they all have applications online.

    One application involved a personality test...obviosly it wasn't too bad. Here's the result:



    Agreeableness

    Your score of 9 on the Agreeableness scale means that you are actually a very sensitive person. You are probably quite an emotional individual in the sense that you are aware of your own and other people's feelings. You would almost certainly place the needs and feelings of your colleagues at the top of your priorities. Indeed, you would generally be seen as a caring and compassionate person who wanted to put people and their needs first. Clearly, this suggests that you would be at your best where relationships and empathy were important, but it could also mean that you sometimes find it quite difficult to deal with colleagues or customers who might be less sensitive in their manner.
    Conscientiousness

    You have scored 4 on the Conscientious scale. This indicates that you might not always be particularly organised or structured in your approach to work. You might not be particularly concerned with procedural matters that you believe are unnecessary or unimportant, and you could occasionally overlook or ignore the small regulations or details that you see as irrelevant. You might well tend to concern yourself with what you see as the broader aspects of your role, rather than with the small and detailed tasks of your everyday duties. Most of the people who are successful in roles at B&Q stores have a high regard for procedures and getting details right, but you might find some of these requirements to be quite restrictive.
    Conformity

    You have achieved a score of 6 on the scale of Conformity. This suggests that you are a fairly orthodox and conventional person who conforms to the accepted rules of social behaviour. You are likely to be comfortable in both formal and informal atmospheres and probably would not have a very strong preference for one over the other. You are likely to prefer changes in the work-place to be small and gradual rather than large and fast. Because you would value the best aspects of established ways and techniques you would probably be wary of anything that appeared to be too unconventional. Even so, you are probably not the kind of person who actively resists change, providing that you can see its purpose. Indeed, you would probably welcome innovations where you could see the obvious benefits. All in all, therefore, you would generally fit best into those work environments where changes were usually gradual and evolutionary.
    Extroversion

    Your Extroversion scale score of 3 indicates that you are generally more of an introvert rather than an extrovert and that when dealing with other people you could sometimes be seen as rather reserved. Indeed, you might not enjoy a job that required you to initiate social contacts with lots of unfamiliar people, so you might not be very suited to dealing with lots of customers who wanted your advice.

    You would probably tend to approach your duties in a calm and considered way which means that you could carry out repetitive and routine tasks to a high standard. As you would probably value steadiness and some predictability at work you would be likely to enjoy any role that required a measured approach rather than an impulsive and ever-changing environment. This could mean that you disliked some elements of working in a very hectic B&Q store at peak times.
    Emotional Stability

    Your score of 8 on the Emotional Stability scale suggests that you are generally a fairly confident and optimistic person who would express your thoughts and ideas openly in most situations. You have quite a strong character which means that you could probably be quite assertive if you thought that you needed to be.

    You're likely to be quite enthusiastic and would probably approach your work with a fair degree of ambition. You would probably be fairly decisive in most situations and if confronted with problems at work you would generally be able to make most decisions on your own without asking for help from your superiors. You are, in all probability, quite resistant to work related stress. Indeed, not only could you cope with most pressure, you might actually find that a limited amount of stress at work acted as a good motivating force.

    Wednesday, February 18, 2009

    Shave my Skin

    Though it's the coldest time of year, Constable Terrace is very warm. I keep the window open, and last night had to kick the covers off. I Woke to the pleasant sound of the birds chirping outside, which is soon replaced by the buses running up and down Chancellor's Drive.

    Before I left my room this morning I got the clippers out. I shaved my beard off and now look five years younger, so I'm told.

    I had an appointment to go see the doctor, because of a long running infection. She took some skin samples, and gave me a prescription of antibiotics.

    I thought it would be a good idea to go look for work at Norwich job centre. Sure, of course, it was a very bad idea. I then spent most of the day listening to radio 4 in the kitchen, and cooking myself pasta. By half past six I still haven't done any work :/

    Tuesday, February 17, 2009

    Did the World Stop Turing ?

    I'm supposed to be writting my report on Alan Turing. Can't find a good source for algorithms.

    Monday, February 16, 2009

    Dishy on a Little Fishy


    Things have been better today. I received a surprise message from someone. Not sure what to make of it yet, though it cheered me up immensely.

    Went to study skills lecture. We had to discuss how well we thought a report on facial mapping was written. It was good, mainly because it gave me the chance to speak-out in front of a group; which I hate doing. But... hadn't the guy prepared a proper lecture or something ? The report was given to us to highlight key points at the start of the semester. Strangely, this morning I threw loads of paper from my room away, including my highlighted copy of this report. DOH!!

    Borrowed a book on 'Latex' from the library. Sadly, I got excited to see rolling shelves. I've only seen rolling shelves on telly' before, and my little head was getting really excited to be using them heh wtf? I wondered how many people had been crushed for a joke in them. It's all so predictable Heh...

    Now writing my report on Alan Turing. Outlining four of his most important published papers, three of his algorithms, his education and career. It has to be written in three A4 sheets; that's not possible.

    Sources I will use are:
    Wikipedia
    Google Scholar.
    The book 'Essential Turing'.

    Today it became law not to take photgraphs of the police. I think that's right ? You can now be sent to jail for this ?

    Sunday, February 15, 2009

    What Are You Going to DO ?

    Might start posting again soon...
    At the moment I really can't see any point in continuing with anything..
    Things I have done, and things I'm supposed to have done..
    Someone once said it was good to see a dream, I tried to see a dream. I imagined it, and tried to make it happen. It never happens !!! I seriously think I'm cursed and more...

    Been playing with lego robots, programming them with Not Exactly 'c'.
    Writting about Alan Turing using Latex.
    Programming basic C++. G
    etting very confused in math lectures err... I mean doing more integral calculus. Installed Texnix on my Eee, but in German :/ (It forces you to learn German.)

    Maginde came 'round, I lent him loads of DVDs, we watched episode seven of 'Generation Kill' from HBO. He stood the whole time because he thinks I'm going to stab him ? :/ He says I'm like Jack the Ripper. Thanks, I hate myself as it is..

    Morrisey was on the Johnathan Ross show. I hate it when people moan and write about women on bloggs, though it is tempting. Especially when the person you think of way too much, is someone who doesn't even like you.

    Friday, January 23, 2009

    Wednesday, January 21, 2009

    Playing with LaTex


    Today we had a workshop on using 'Latex', which is actually pronounced phonetically 'Lay-Tec'. Latex is good because- One ...It isn't Microsoft and Two.. it prints character fonts correctly, unlike Microsoft. It is like HTML, and used by mathematicians and scientists to create articles and reports.

    LINK_ LaTex Website

    Things must be bad; how do I know? At the coffee shop, they made my coffee before even said what I wanted..Heh. Next time I will order something different. Keep them on there toes.

    Around campus people get confussed and are always asking me if I'm a student or lecturer, I guess because of the beard. Also, while I was waiting outside the computer lab' some dude was either being friendly or quizzing me on what subject I was studying :/ Once I told him I was a 'year zero' he soon lost interest Hahah !!! He left saying, "enjoy your lecture." Actually I found-out there's a Dr. at UEA with the same name as me.

    My most favourite computer name scanned this week goes to 'FlatRoundPoo' XD

    On the bus home two students got on wearing pigs' heads. It was actually pretty good, and slightly sinister.

    Might write a piece about registry hacking or WEP cracking.