Sat drinking coffee with a book on Algebra. Met Powie at the bus stop. He said he hadn't eaten for three days and had just stuffed himself on noodles at Chopsticks, a strange choice of breakfast really. He got offended when I told him if he ever needed food I'd give him mine. He then went on to ask why I was dressed-up and had I been to church. I've just run-out of clean clothes to wear accept my white shirt. Back at campus we went for a walk around the lake. Powie is from a very different culture and some of the stuff he says is just harsh. He told me that he sometimes kicks cats and dogs, and when he was younger he stuck kittens in a mango tree to see if they could get down. There was loads of other harsh shit but I'm not going to divulge.
Went to my room and read some security sites. Then quickly became bored soI went for a walk in to the city and back. Walked around hoping to bump in to anyone I know, there was no-one. Where has everyone gone ? It's Easter break so campus seems so empty like my fridge..
I will lay-off the running tonight. It's no longer a healthy kind of running. It's running because of the need to; so tired today. It's now like a mental illness where I will run until I collapse, and then decide I haven't done enough, start all over again.. like punishment, I want punishment.
Later in the night I went for long walk, did lots of rolling and throwing myself down steps. I'm bruised all over but I still feel nothing... nothing is ever right, what the fuck is wrong with me, I think trees and lamp post might become bone and teeth soon I have to keep control, I will spend a large portion of tomorrow thinking quietly. This will come about a dramatic change, as I will channel energies to something positive.