Sunday, May 24, 2009

Turn of the Head

In the coffee shop today, I noticed the guy doing the PHD on lip reading waiting for someone. I kept a close eye on who he was meeting. He greeted two other computer types and proceeded to walk my direction. I was hoping they would sit close so I could try to make contact with them. Just then a old man sat on the sofa next to me wearing a 'Tour of Norwich' t-shirt. I wanted to ask him and his t-shirt to kindly fuck-off, but instead I just watched as they moved to the seats outside. He sat at a distance opposite me. I'm sure he noticed me, and he's probably now a little scared of this weirdo mentalist staring.

It's been a bad day if I'm honest. Nearly had a few fights. Called a bloke who was about to walk in front of me, a dipstick. He grab the earpiece out of my ear, I knocked his arm away, and shoved him back. Then I began to taunt him about his shoes, and how old he looked(he wasn't old). I know it's wrong but I need to vent some anger, I feel so ugly, and now I'm acting ugly. Writing all this stuff down makes it all seem so harsh, and it probably is.

I noticed Yuko waiting for a bus, she suddenly realised it was me. She had the look on her face like a rabbit caught in headlights. I turned my head and continued walking. It really hurt, and I was pretty cut-up inside, if it's such a problem to speak to me, then so be it. I don't want to make people like me.

It's actually a major factor in why I'm acting so bad, recently. The last year I've made a massive effort to try be gentle, and forgive people. If nobody likes me and I get ignored I'm less likely to care.

Though I was down anyway, I suddenly became more dark. Luckily I had just uploaded BB King tracks to my Iphone. The song Philadelphia somehow magically brought me back to my senses
So yep, m000 lets himself down again.

Am I going to have to listen to BB King constantly, that's not practical :/ or just start bullying random twats in the street, that's just mental.

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