The Power of a Good Shower

OMG it's so good to have access to a power shower again !! No exaggeration, I could spend hours feeling clean while the water pounds my neck and down the spine. No joke, I believe a good power shower in a small way helps..

caught a lift into Norwich with mum. Mum is an excellent driver, but recently I've noticed some careless habits. She attempted to overtake a lorry on a hill and when it was obvious that we were in danger, continued to overtake. After we barely made it past safely, and the lorry driver honked his horn repeatedly, she said, "Oh, I should really be wearing my glasses !!" FFS

After tea and coffee, thanks to mum. we kissed goodbye and I left to return some books to the library.

I paid a visit to the UEA to find-out how much money I owe them. I've thought of a new job finding tactic. As you might expect, it's not revolutionary just abit creepy. I will buy a UEA t-shirt to go job hunting in, maybe then I will look less like a loser. Hahaha !! (more of a loser maybe :)

Took a brief look around the UEA library. I never found the book I was looking for!!! The problem is that I kept being distracted by so many other journals. Stopping to flick through everything that caught my eye, I could have got lost in there.

I never realised the maths dude still worked through the holiday. I made an appointment to see him Monday.

Caught the bus to the Broadland Business estate. Enquired about a few jobs and was directed to a temporary make-shift office. The office was a agency situated inside a transport container. I assume the container arrived on these shores fully equipped, office workers included. (Heh_ a bit racist :) I don't mean it, I just hate people~ XD



Near to the Broadland Business Park is the Norvic Clinic. This is where you end-up if you're mentally disturbed and fallen foul of the law. There are some old disused building there. I spent some time taking photos and exploring.

(Just recently I have been re-visiting my past, for me, it's very important that I remember.)




Through the use of twitter I found out about the live stream of the 'OpenVideo Conference.' I stupidly thought I would message Steve about it. Steve isn't interested in anything that won't get him marks towards his little degree. I haven't met any proper computer people...yet ???


KEEP, KEEPING IT LOCKED. YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE !!

Competition is Good

Spent the whole day in my room listening to Spotify and searching old friends on Facebook. In a strange kind of way it's been quite therapeutic seeing the pictures of old friends and girlfriends from my past. It's especially good when you see that they are now fat and married and/or now have kids. Mehehe !!!

Bizzaro World

Today I finally took a little foray into the 'Chava-sphere' of Holt. Did nothing, but at the very lleast I caught some time away from my computer.

Just for fun I created a fictitious person on Facebook. I can't believe I got a friend request. So funny !!! Thing is their page is written in Fasi.


Discovered a load of learning material including language programmes on you tube. The Open university channel...

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOpenUniversity

http://www.open.ac.uk/openlearn/home.php

I read issue #66 of Phrack Magazine. Somehow I got sidetracked from reading 'Shellcoder's Programming Uncovered.'

Take a Pill

According to the book 'Shellcoder's Programming Uncovered.' Hackers, to be on the safe side, isolate themselves from the outer world, reduce social contact to the minimum, and hide in a lonely den enjoying hacking. Not because they are fat and boring and everyone hates them, but to avoid detection. Heh_#

Spent all day in a dark room. Took loads of headache pills to kill the pain. I never use to use any pills or medicine, now I'm not so bothered.

Read this: http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/~rja14/Papers/database-state.pdf

Tuesday looks okay for surf ??? Not great :(

Mobile signal is as always absolute bollocks here !!!

SSShhhhhhhh!!!!

Mum came to help me move-out at 6 a.m. After making two trips home I just about met the deadline of 10 a.m. I noticed a guy from my course who's well known for being slack (more slack than me.) He had locked himself out of the building, this was at the point we should have been packed and out. Hilarious !!!

I'm back in the countryside. Land of fuck-off big farming vehicles and soft tissue paper. It's so quiet here. First thing I did on returning home was to set-up my pc. Close the door, close the curtains, and listen to some music. Still hacked-off.. Feeling like someones stolen something (moan moan.)

Now I'm back near the sea (but with no car) I hope to get some surfing done, then, let the healing begin (sink or swim ??)

Send me emails if you like. I feel like death.

Made use of my dads On Demand tv. Watched a documentary called 'Death Machines.' The most horrendous of which had to be the 'Brazen Bull.' A bronze bull sculpture that people were locked in while it's heated over a fire pit. As the super heated air slowly suffocated them from the inside, there's a trumpet attached to the bull's mouth. The victims only option was to breath fresh air through the trumpet creating a low melodic scream.

Chance no More

Applied for student finance. Met Chris, we went for a walk, then Ben and Jerry's Ice cream. We looked like a couple of gays. (And if your offended by that, you have to ask yourself, why???)

I feel beaten-up... Which incidentally __________________ .

Been listening to a lot of Faith no More.

A New Era

Like Dr Sam Becket in 'Quantum Leap' I'm expecting to begin a new chapter in my life. I've virtually said goodbye to all the people I've failed to be friends with and it's time to move on. A day of pushing the buttons (which I should remember to do.) Just keep going !!! As a wise Budo instructor repeatedly said...

I made a visit to 'Chopsticks' to go see Fen. Her Niece was at the counter. I always had the feeling they didn't know who I was. They work so hard and serve so many people through-out the week. But the lady behind the counter knew what my usual was, "vegetable noodle please !!!" Fen came down from upstairs and sat with me. Her niece translated. Fen's niece said that because she's always working she never has time to practice English conversation with anybody. They have been in England for four years now. We briefly discussed the possibility of teaching each other our respective languages.

I left, attempting a thank-you in Chinese, which I think is Xie-Xie...not sure. I was slightly embarrassed at my lack of knowledge about China. Everyone should read as much as they can.

I left with a big smile on my face !! Though something was on my mind, I had to basically say goodbye to someone today. I'm blocking it from my mind because I know it will trouble my thoughts greatly..

Messed about with airplay-ng...

Sometime ago now I was standing in a Berlin Record store and reminded of the band 'Faith No More.'


Yuko came to see me. She returned my DVDs and paid me the pleasure of her company for awhile. As she left I knew I would probably never see her again.

The Nerve of the Curve

I received an email from Fen the lady from Beijing. What a surprise !! She is staying with her niece who runs 'Chopsticks' the noodle bar I always visit.

Last night Hugo the guy in the room next to mine knocked on my door. It was about 2am, I was expecting him to complain about the music I was playing or something. I opened my door to see Hugo standing there with his suitcase. He handed me his room key and said that he was leaving. I wished him a good journey and we shook hands. He seemed nervous. I was thinking maybe he was doing a runner and not paying the rest of his rent LOL. I doubt that's the case. Later, after trying to sleep, I thought I would check-out his room. There were three large plastic bags full of stuff. Being a Pikey I rummaged through the bags and found myself some Starbucks' mugs (don't like Starbucks, but I'll give them to my parents) A bag of nut chocolate sweets. Some tins of French Pate.(don't eat meat) I left the flip-flops Hahah !!! (but I had to think about that one ;) Some paper clips and board pins. There was also a book on chemistry, but I left that too.


Had another bad lonely day today, I sometimes think I can feel her arms around my shoulders, best to try forget. I always said I wouldn't ever let anyone get to me again... Reading her last email to me, there's no sign of any intention never to see me again. She ends with " see you soon :) " IT MAKES NO SENSE !!! Maybe I scared her. Went for a walk around the BBC curve theatre. Took some photos just incase I forgot some of the worst days of my life, still to get worse...

Turn, Turn and Turn

I already wrote an entry for today, but it was very sad !!! I want to write something entertaining, up-lifting and dare I say happy.

No chance, another bad day..
I shut myself in my room, for the sake of public safety ...

Went to the post room. I was expecting a letter with ten quid in it. It's lost or stolen. You decide ..

The BNP won two seats, what the fuck is wrong with this country. PAH !!!

In from the Cold

I'm feeling slightly happy this morning. At the cathedral I spoke to a woman from Beijing. Through the service, I tried to keep the 'service sheet' in view for her to see what was going on. There was quite a large language barrier. With the help of her translator machine, I found-out she was a tourist, and had travelled to Edinburgh, Cambridge, and London. She has seen more of the United Kingdom than I have !!! Heh_

I wrote my email address and the URL of this blog on a notepad for her. Now I'm scared of the possibility that she might read and understand this blog. She will know then just how weird and slightly mental I am.

It's raining, and I couldn't think of anything good to do. If I had money, I would have liked to have taken her for tea. curses !!! Instead I shook hands with her and said goodbye :( I'm rubbish at communicating.

It was so nice to meet her.

I've just realised some interesting connections between people on Facebook. With this, and feeling that stuff in my room has been moved, or, sometimes things are switched on or off when I return. I'm not sure, I might be paranoid but I can't say I'm bothered much...

Secretly, I know I'm right !!!

OMG, I've looked further. There's a whole freaking network of people here !!! I'm going to have to map this-out on paper .

Picture This

I got nothing... Felt quite down today. Through mind control I managed to stay grounded. Went to supermarket, then at the very last moment I changed my mind. Tried to find an alternative place to buy vegetables. The market had started to close, so I was forced to shop at Sainsburys. I bought one onion, a pot of cream, biscuits, and a tin of chopped tomatoes. I really wish today hadn't happened; in a funny kind of way, it didn't. Read some stuff on scanning login.php interfaces using 'burp suite'. I'm not a script kiddie, honest !!!

Thanks to twitter I found some pictures someone took on a recent visit to the 'UEA Server Room'. It's nice to know they think so much about security.

Mexican Wave

Went for a walk about. Saw the free-runner people again... They're getting pretty good. One particular guy I keep noticing ever since I last saw him run-up quite a high wall. They really love themselves !!! And they probably should. They took turns to launch themselves off a park bench and perform a forward somersault. I would have Ustreamed them or asked for an interview. It would have been good work...

Walking through campus Steve called. Steve and his mate were sitting in the Union bar. Steve bought me a pint, I couldn't return the favour as I didn't bring money. Still, I didn't feel too bad, as I made that meal for him. Steve's mate Andrew is actually quite cool, surprisingly !!! Some other people came-over to speak, but I just stood laughing in the right places in the conversation, looking like a prick with my EeePc under my arm. After a couple of hours I left to go sit in my room.

The Beard Strikes Back

Made a visit to the community Hospital today to go see the dermatologist. After some confusion over my present address, I was given a seat and told to wait. Two old men in the waiting room were discussing how they had just been made unemployed after many years of service.

The doctor was Italian, which is okay, 'cept every so often I had to embarrassingly ask him to please repeat himself, as I hadn't understood what he was saying. He got me to take my top off and lay on the bench. I had briefly mentioned a rash that I use to have near my groin, he was now asking me to show him. I blurted-out that it wasn't really there anymore. I'm sure I saw a little smirk on his face, as I tried to talk my way out of showing him. He stood over me, and I started to undo the lovely bow tied knot on my shorts. It felt like what I imagine the plot to a gay porno would be like. Undoing the bow on my shorts like opening a gift wrapped present. He took a brief look and said everything was fine. Then examined my back and armpits. If only I hadn't tied that bow knot on the front of my shorts !!!

I walked into the city to drink coffee. Two middle aged women sat with me. I think they felt sorry for me, as I looked very lonely listening to my Ipod on the couch. I couldn't hear their conversation as I had my headphones in. But there was some strange body language, and they looked to be trying to catch my attention. I made sure I didn't make eye contact. It sounds racist but I'm just not interested in English people anylonger. Can't even pretend to care... Saying that, I'm sure it wont be long before I just feel nothing for anyone.

Back at campus I went to the polling station to vote. The woman in the polling station was sat by herself, nobody else about. I made my vote then enquired how many others had been to vote ?? Apparently only about 84 others, quite low turn-out.

Disimulo

I'm starting to wonder about this blog again :/ It's actually slightly embarassing that I haven't done anything interesting the past couple of years now. My English hasn't improved either. I would outline what my weekend was like for you but it was shit. Except seeing that person pass-out on a bungee rope at university, fucking hillarious. Everyone thought he was dead or something, I resisted the urge to get my camera out and live stream the event while they placed him in the recovery position. Been doing alot of running, I've started to look slightly mental again because I've got nothing to do, 'cept read AND SURF THE NET.

I did some tests with Ustream on my Iphone. Yes, it was shit... (I'm making extra special effort to try swear as much as I can. WHY ??? MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS.)

Ian Gibson MP got deselected from the taking part in the elections tomorrow.



http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/1591444



Going home soon. One moment, let me reflect on my time in accommodation at UEA.. Disaster~ still it's a wonder I haven't stabbed anyone. I'm sure a few people thought I might.

He's some youtube stuff I found that my lecturer did research in:



I thank~You, BE SEEING YOU !!!

Waiting in the Sun

Lunch time I cooked some amazing pasta with obligatory standard pasta source. There must have been the remnants of chili in the sauce pan as it was slightly hot. I'm such a good cook, and nobody knows it !!!!

Sat in the sun on a bench, out in the street for about an hour. A guy who lived in the building opposite came out to smoke. After doing some improv' dance, then smoking a joint of grass, he asked if he could sit with me. At first I thought he was probably gay, as I always have a habit of being chatted-up by blokes, never women :/ He asked how I was ? I muttered in reply okay, sort-of. I asked him if his name was Johnathon, as every time I looked at my IPhone I was getting a wifi link named 'Johnathon'. He said that, that was his flatmates name. Somehow we started to talk about Buddhism, he seemed to know a lot about meditation. His girlfriend arrived, and after greeting her she walked into his building. Dom, who had now taken his large sunglasses off to reveale some heavily stoned eyelids, he asked me to wait awhile. He ran into his building and returned with a book. He said I could keep it. Though he probably only bought it for 30p at a jumble sale, I was really pleased. I thanked him and shook his hand. he then left to go see his girlfriend. Dom said he had been to university to do Philosophy. Why is it everyone I meet is a Philosopher, or teacher ??? Heh_

I was feeling fairly positive after my little encounter with Dom. Earlier a bad thing happened :/ I think you could guess what.. And I have no regret.

Found a picture of Bill Talen outside Norwich Starbucks... Downloaded the best of Queen to my Iphone.

The days are passing very quickly. Seems like I get-up in the morning, and then it's dark again.

Today I compiled some notes on using GPU(graphic Processor Unit) for passphrase brute forcing using 'CUDA'. CUDA is a 'c' programming development platform from Nvidia. It's good, because CUDA has been used to create software for brute forcing passphrases on the WPA/WPA2 protocol. The Opensource package used from Backtrack is Pyrit. There is commercial software from Elcommsoft. The Elcommsoft package enables the workload to be distributed among 1000 workstations, also using encryption to report back the results.

Watched some primers on Assembly language.

I listened to a lot of 'The Doors' today on you tube. I know youtube links are lame, but anyway :

Ghost train

Been bad. Crossing the road at a pedestrian crossing. As we all crossed the road between a trafic cue of cars, a woman in her Corsa slowly edged forward hitting my leg lightly.

It doesn't matter how lightly she hit me, it could only happen to me. She shouldn't be moving at all. What gives her the right to drive into people ? No matter how lightly. I continued walking but as always, inside I was screaming to tear her out of the driving seat, and god knows what. Bastards !!!

Nothing today, walked around sniffing the air and knocking on peoples doors. If that makes any sense to you ???

Read about MD5 hash algorithm signatures on precompiled executables. And how it's a good idea to compile your executables from source when tricking antivirus software. Yawn !!!

Rodney Trotter

I received a call from Steve. We arranged to go running. While I was waiting for him to arrive I took some pictures around campus. We ran around the lake and Earlham Park. Steve, though a sports' coach hasn't been doing much running recently and he's trying to get back in shape. It was a slow start, we made some distance though I have to say it was like a light walk for me... :D brag !!! brag !! Heh...






No not being big headed, it was still good. He showed me some stretching at the end also. But, of course I'm super stretchy too. Hahah!!!




After, I made egg fried rice and salmon for us. It was pretty good !!! And easy to cook ;D Steve left to go coach javelin, to some kids at the Sportspark.

Double Nice ~ Think Twice

There is only one notable thing to say today... I walked Prince of Whales Road to the train station. There is now a noticeable difference in the smell on that street. It literally looks, and now smells, of shit.

Turn of the Head

In the coffee shop today, I noticed the guy doing the PHD on lip reading waiting for someone. I kept a close eye on who he was meeting. He greeted two other computer types and proceeded to walk my direction. I was hoping they would sit close so I could try to make contact with them. Just then a old man sat on the sofa next to me wearing a 'Tour of Norwich' t-shirt. I wanted to ask him and his t-shirt to kindly fuck-off, but instead I just watched as they moved to the seats outside. He sat at a distance opposite me. I'm sure he noticed me, and he's probably now a little scared of this weirdo mentalist staring.


It's been a bad day if I'm honest. Nearly had a few fights. Called a bloke who was about to walk in front of me, a dipstick. He grab the earpiece out of my ear, I knocked his arm away, and shoved him back. Then I began to taunt him about his shoes, and how old he looked(he wasn't old). I know it's wrong but I need to vent some anger, I feel so ugly, and now I'm acting ugly. Writing all this stuff down makes it all seem so harsh, and it probably is.

I noticed Yuko waiting for a bus, she suddenly realised it was me. She had the look on her face like a rabbit caught in headlights. I turned my head and continued walking. It really hurt, and I was pretty cut-up inside, if it's such a problem to speak to me, then so be it. I don't want to make people like me.

It's actually a major factor in why I'm acting so bad, recently. The last year I've made a massive effort to try be gentle, and forgive people. If nobody likes me and I get ignored I'm less likely to care.

Though I was down anyway, I suddenly became more dark. Luckily I had just uploaded BB King tracks to my Iphone. The song Philadelphia somehow magically brought me back to my senses
So yep, m000 lets himself down again.

Am I going to have to listen to BB King constantly, that's not practical :/ or just start bullying random twats in the street, that's just mental.

Butterfly~ I'm Home Soon...

Haven't checked my tenancy agreement yet, but I think I will move or go back home soon. I would rather not go back home. Somethings got to give soon and quickly.


Walked about Norwich see if anything was happening with the sustainable event. Nothing, I guess I got-up too late. Waiting for the bus I bumped into Steve and Adam again. Adam creeped-up on me and was pretending to attack. I moved into a defensive stance and when I realised it was just Adam being a knob, I felt silly. It wasn't like full blown Karate stance but just natural defensive. Still, I think the only way he will stop is if I actually kick him in the nuts or something.






At Steves we watched Zardoz. It was very 70s, with bad acting and sound. It was quite good actually.

My Mad Existence~ Don't Keep Your Distance

Community University Engagement (CUE) East was set up a year ago. Norwich and Norfolk Sustainable Living Festival outlines practical living in a sustainable way. Thanks to a public engagement project run by the University of East Anglia.

A brief walk around I saw:

The Butterfly Effect map – Climate Change and the Norfolk Broads.

A guy trying to get people to compost their waste.

One of the people on the Fair Trade stall offered me fair trade chocolate, then proceeded to gather all the Indian people he could find for a group photo. (a bit odd)

My mobile rang, it was Steve. He said I had just walked past him in the street, and we ahould meet-up. Steve and Adam had been drinking, and seemed to be on a early bar crawl. I joined them. We went from pub to pub slowly becoming drunk. Steve somehow managed to blag samples of real ale from each bar we visited. Pretending to be interested in the taste.





Finally we went to Wensum Lodge to listen to a free folk music event which consisted of a IRA terrorist. And a bloke that I see in Marzanoes. (He was playing a right handed guitar left handed.) And a young girl who turned-out to be aged 35 ~ hmm, interesting, she attempted to play music in a loop. I've listened to alot of Philip Glass recently I became interested. I'm obviously no expert but I think there was potential for some good songs there. But I have to say when she just sang and played without the FX it was pretty good. What the fuck do I know :/

Well, almost a life worth living today..Good.

Lost

Tonights LCR at the University is themed as 'Chavs'. Everyone is dressed as a Chav. I must say it's difficult to tell people that are dressed-up, from the real McCoy.

I'm turning into a tramp. People ask me for money on the street. Where as I use to give people money who asked (stupid) Now I probably have less money than them !! I'm the biggest loser. I went to Prince of Whales Road (Chav says: "What are you looking at !! I laugh at him~) to eat greasy pizza, then bought a single can of Guiness. Say no more... But I have been doing lots of chin-ups and press-ups. I'm slowely regaining my muscle and becoming trim.

(sorry for the bad English ;)

I'm Sleep, They say they have no time for me.

Thought I would chance by the Theatre Royal, see if I could get a cheap ticket to go see Philip Glass. No such luck, I was told there were only 35 UK pound tickets left. I'm not paying that, I'm a skinflint !!! Instead, I just so happened to have DLed Koyaanisqatsi to my Iphone. I sat drinking coffee watching the people pass in the rain to the repetitive tones in my head.

I've also DLed the kanji and kana apps for iphone. I'm finding them great.. In fact it's quite worrying how I can plug my Iphone in and listen to music browse the Internet. No need to even look at anyone let alone speak. In the evening I watched the whole first series to Nathan Barley. Watch it, it's the shit !!!!

Emmanuel Goldstein mentioned on his radio show about kicking a old woman in the shins. Sorry, but I couldn't stop laughing. It's so wrong. I myself was bad the other day, I accidentally lost it at rush hour from the train station. I hit a business man just as he was about to walk into me. It was a rather hard strike with my thumb firmly pressed into his gut. Four other people previous to him had pushed into me, and I just lost it, I'm such a TWAT. There's someone I really want to slap, and I guess the business guy bore the brunt of my bitterness. I have started to meditate again daily on loving kindness, because I have definetly forgotten what it means. KEEP IT FOOLISH !!! YEAH !!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4mpJumHU-w


This footage really mooved me today.

Saved a ten for Black, Red and Blue...

Woke-up, unfortunately. Went to the Forum. the people from the Norwich Buddhist Centre seemed to be putting-on a display. It seemed to involve siting on a mat with your eyes closed, looking like you're doing a big shit.

Sat on a bench looking at this street:


Stood at the bus-stop. It's not an important detail. Here's another picture in case you don't know what a bus-stop looks like. Usually there would be more Chavs but it's not the right time of day.



Returned to my room, back in bed asleep by 14:00.

I discovered lots of good stuff on itunes involving Stephen K Hayes and calculus lectures.

Master of Disaster

Tried to do last minute revision for maths exam. Arranged to meet Chris at the bus-stop at 1:10. I can't believe what I saw, some Chinese girl got on the bus wearing a very short skirt and her stocking and suspenders showing. I like to think she was making a statement. I just stared in disbelief. She must have thought I was perving, I was just trying to understand what she was thinking.

At 2:00 we all met outside c'hall' to start the mathematics exam. It was a complete disaster. I just hope I can reassess.

After, Chris, Powie and I went for noodles at chopsticks. Chris didn't eat all of his rice. He carried his box of rice home with him to eat later, making him resemble a food delivery boy.

Powie and I said goodbye to Chris and went to drink coffee in the forum. We talked about social development and IT infrastructure of Papua New Guinea. His father is a main player in P.N.G, he spoke of the corrupt Australian officials who try to bribe the competition out of major business contracts, in order to force P.N.G into dealing with Australian businesses only. I gave Powie a quick run through on basic UNIX shell commands.

Laugh in your face

Got haircut,

Took introductory computing exam.

She's been back in the country less than 10 hours. Already I've been thrown into a fit of depression. I should be revising for maths exam tomorrow, my focus has been disturbed. I think he's laughing at me. Why do I give a fuck, she hates me, he's laughing at me. I should ignore them and get on with it.

I feel like I'm going insane. I could tell a situation was going to happening today, just by observing the people around me, passers by. They were acting different(maybe the white shirt ?). That's mad !!! But it's the truth... I FUCKING NEW IT BEFORE IT HAPPENED, AND IT DID !!

I managed to eat something, I seem to have lots of food. But I suddenly don't want to eat. Been doing chin-ups and watched this Pob clip like 20 times now.. Oh, yeah, and now I own an Iphone.

Sat for a few hours in silence. I want to shave my head, think it might be a mistake.

Shinobi winds of the 34 generations-1/4
Uploaded by bananajoe1173 - Check out more sports and extreme sports videos.

You Are My Murderer

On the way into the city today I noticed a policeman running down the central reservation of the inner ring road. He was running towards a crowd that had gathered, there was what looked to be an immigrant family standing around their kid, who I guess must have been run over on the way to church.

Saw an old work college today. He was walking his 10 year old in the park outside my building.

Well that's my shit life. Exam tomorrow, I've already failed, it's a given.

Sometimes I like to walk past this asian guys office, late at night. He's always there working !!! Everytime I walk past it makes me want to try harder. Tonight I walked past he was having a power nap, curled-up into a ball on the floor Heh_ I did wonder whether he had collapsed, but no, he was definitely asleep. I returned from my long walk to see him again back, working at the PC.

QUACK!!!

Been to a BBQ. Managed t get this far. Drank enoufgh. But made it home to typpe this so a good enough efoort. DRINK TEA nice. HED FEELS LIKE A TONE OF BRICKS. lets just end it nkw

I remember someone laughing on the bus, so I probably made a twat of myself

It's all so fucking tragic

Birch Tree Breeze. Eating Cheese

I can't believe I payed a visit to the train station to use the loos. The new thing at Norwich train station are electronic barriers. On entering the station I noticed a few more than usual police. I asked the woman on the ticket barrier if it was possible to use the toilet, and would she let me through. The reply was no, she said,"the station's a police station today," pointing out the police. I think what she meant to say was,"today is a police state." I'm not wrong !!!!

Went to buy doughnuts at M&S instead of Tesco. I shouldn't use any supermarket really but I really hate Tesco. The guy on the checkout at M&S seemed impressed in my selection of doughnuts, he advised me that the jam ones were by far the best. Heh !!!

Didn't do too badly today, haven't hit anyone(well, not that I remember) Payed some debts. Got some revision done. Watched Doraemo cartoon Heh._. oh, but the book !!! I bought another calculus book :/ Messaged Miyuki on FB, and got a reply. That's like almost speaking to someone, which isn't usual for me.

I realised I have been programmed, or my mind hacked. (let's be cryptic about this) I was watching someone on the bus. It's not like me to become interested in someone else. What is it about this person that I'm drawn to ? I realised they were wearing a jumper of a certain colour, and had bright painted nails that reminded me of someone. Life really becomes boring once you spot how and why you do things.

Slightly mad !!! I started scribbling dashes and vertical lines all over my hand, as if it's was code. wtf ?

Careless Conundrum

First thing this morning I went to the UEA campus post room. My DVD on Allan Johnston's documentary has arrived. Like usual I travelled into the city for coffee and maths. As usual nothing happened in the city, though lately I have slipped into my old ways of not caring too much. I must suffer fools, in order to stop myself from following them. I know this, I know you know I know this. But sometimes dude I could really let rip on someone. The odds are that when or if it happens, it will be some poor unsuspecting individual that never hurt a living soul.

Returned to my room after restocking my fridge with food to watch the DVD. The documentary was so funny. It wasn't supposed to be funny, but sometimes you had to wonder if this guy was for real (he is.) It was like a spoof Peter Kay at times.

The Allan Johnston DVD came under the recommendation from a friend, Karamoon. I have been following karamoon's tweets lately, and connected to a live discussion on talkshoe. Nobody was sure but someone was breathing heavily into their mic, like Darth Vader had arrived. I sometimes worry that Karamoon sounds a bit like he's talking down to people. I'm sure he knows best...

I had to go out again. I'm starting to look slightly insane again. I decided to go buy fish 'n' chips. At the chip shop I sat at the table next to an old man, both of us no place better to go. 'cept he will be dead soon, lucky him err..me(I don't know)???

On the bus home I sat in front of two Japanese women. It was really difficult pretending I wasn't listening to their conversation. I understood some :) It would be stupid to use Japanese for the sake of showing off, but sometimes it's tempting to just blurt-out random Japanese phrases...Hahaha!!! IT'S WRITTEN ALL OVER MY FACE!!!


Something should have been said today, I wanted to. I had to stop myself, I didn't feel I had the right. So I'm sort of saying it here...

The Basics

Went for tuition with Robot. I had a crash course in integration for one hour.

Paper friends have arrived in the bank. Immediately I went to buy lots of tea. I bought a pack of organic Yerba Mate tea and some Lap sang. The tea shop in Norwich also sell the Gourds (Think that's right, can't be bothered to check.) The round silver containers with a silver straw in which you drink Mate tea. I also noticed some kind of Buddhist shrine behind their counter. Bloody Buddhist and tea, what is that about ???

After a cup of Mate tea, then bowl of noodles. Then, a cup of Lap sang tea (what more could I ask for ???) I have to do some revision work. DO REVISION GODAMIT !!!!

Last night I sat on a cold wall for an hour. It was a nice night, the wind making rustling noises with the leaves on the tree. I felt there was an energy, a reason for being there. Still, makes a change from running until your half dead.

Ai shiaterkai

Lots of people returning to university campus for exams. It's a beautiful warm windy night, just the sort of weather for a walk...

Love you,
M000 !!!

Go Play on a Road

I lined myself-up for yet another day of hiding in my room. Just when I was on the phone to my mum, I heard a voice calling outside. Looking out the window I saw Steve. I wasn't expecting him, I guess he had come to do some revision. Instead we watched an episode of Seinfeld.

We then went to Lewin Lab and failed to do anything constructive there too. I suggested we go buy doughnuts. On the way Steve text Adam, who just so happened to be in the LCR Pub. We met-up with Powie and Adam then went for a walk.

During our walk I discovered Adam (who I'm moving into a house with) doesn't really want to work for the games industry, but hopes to kill babies instead. Somehow we end-up walking along the side of the busy A11 dual-carriageway, back into the city. After drinking tea at Steve's house we went to buy chips. On the walk home a group of 10 year old children shouted obscenities at us, and tried to start a fight. Great another day completely wasted.

I got nothing, hid in my room all day.. I would like to say I was thinking, but not even that. Confidence is low again, I feel ugly and boring. I can't understand anyone.

Just Like Magic

Received an encouraging message through Facebook today. It was from Miyuki, that's cheered me up no-end. I haven't seen Miyuki for awhile now.

I'm not sure if I was allowed but I made another appointment to see Robert the maths man. Tomorrow I will try steal more maths from him..

Sat in Norwich Cathedral's cloisters doing some maths. I was thinking it would be the ideal place to work. No !! I forgot, there's building work, and a group of mothers sat on the cloisters garth singing nursery rhymes playing the guitar. I thought about going over to them and shouting at them to SHUT-UP!! But that would just be wrong,(Heh_just kidding) actually the woman had a rather pleasant singing voice. As I got-up to leave I noticed the guy from the Greenhouse cafe. He said hello and explained he was showing a visiting friend the tourist sites of Norwich.

Walking back to the bus stop I recognised many people mainly involved with the Greenparty. When I finally arrived at the bus stop I was pleasantly surprised to see Miyuki waiting. On the bus journey home Miyuki talked about her dissertation she has yet to write. I tried to engage her in conversation and be interesting (though I know I'm not.) Miyuki kept yawning, I like to think it's because she was tired.

I really don't know what Japanese people are thinking. I'm sure they sometimes say one thing, but secretly mean something else. More through being polite, and not offending, probably.

I've had a crik in my neck all day, as a consequence, a blind spot on my left side makes me keep bashing my face into doors.

Like Warm Arms Around Me

I've done nothing, barely made it out of bed... Today was completely lost to me.

To Right a Write

Spent two hours with Robert doing calculus. It was strange, he made me stand writing the functions on the whiteboard. After awhile I started to think I was a teacher, standing with one hand in my pocket pen in the other. Great fun, I love maths when I understand what's going on. I kept making conversation with Robert, I somehow felt obliged since I was stealing so much maths from him. It's his job to be learning support, though that's no reason to treat him like a maths robot. After the two hours had finished we spoke about art and science and how they may interrelate.

I caught the smiling terrorist woman on her way down the steps. She's actually quite sweet, she said something about camping, and how we haven't got any tap water. I couldn't understand what she was saying and nodded in agreement. I think she might be South African, I hope not.

Still no water. I haven't been able to flush my bog, It stinks to high heaven !!! A bit like Prince of Whales Street :)) Hhaahah!!!

Was just about to go sneak into the Sportspark and have another shower. As I left the building I could smell the smell of cleanliness like someone who had just showered. I checked the tap, yes !!! We have water, let's not stink anymore !!!

I'm leaving jars of honey dotted about the place, in the hope of making people interested in honey and bees. SAVE THE HONEY BEE !!!

Sniffing the Rats

A girl, well I think it was a girl ? called me a fucking cunt in Asda because she was in my way. I hit her basket with my shopping trolly.
Went for my usual Saturday night cruise. Many things happend, all deeply sickening!!! Walked past Loki. Coincedence ? Walked past a group of Saturday night Prince of Whale Street twats, all calling me 'cunt'. Some kids threw an egg at me, they missed. I've twisted my ankle slightly running home, there's no real damage.

Out of Time

Such a miserable day. The weather is fantastic but I'm so miserable. Collected some coursework from the CMP department. I then went to Norwich library to do some revision. As I entered the Forum library a woman with a clipboard asked me if I had some spare time to answer questions. I ignored her and continued to walk. I could here her as I walked away telling me how rude I was. Maybe I could have had her arrested for harassment ? Didn't get much done so I came back to my room, my face was looking like a slapped fish. On the way out from the library either the same woman or another tried to stop me again. Nobody speaks to me unless they want something, why can't they just fuck-off and leave me alone.

Watched some Seinfeld then went back to bed. I thought I could kill a few hours of my worthless life, but woke only after one hour. I'm just sitting here staring into space. Obviously if I had cake maybe things would be different. I'm so old and can't see any point...

I'm feeling provoked by strange forces and coincidence. This one person who I noticed recently. I googled his home address last night using google maps. This morning he cycled past the bus I was on at least three times, and seemed to be at every corner I turned. This sort of stuff happens a lot to me, I keep telling myself it's coincidence. But wtf ? I can't help think there must be something more to it.

I broke into the emergency ration of tea today. I've had a packet of Oolong tea stored away for some time now. It's really quite nice, wish I had bothered to try it earlier.

Maths' Mountain

Went for my 11 a.m. appointment to go see the math dude. I got 'one to one' tuition for two hours on derivatives. It was amazing, really enjoyed it. Robert, the guy who was teaching gave loads of encouragement. I really don't like asking questions, and think I should learn stuff by myself. So, so, wrong !!! Robert's office was a tiny room with no windows, and a white board on the wall. I joked about his office not having any windows, and it being a bright sunny day outside. I think he saw the funny side, though I'm not so sure.

After, I went to the coffee shop to do further derivatives from the worksheet Robert had given me. Then back to University to meet Steve. We sat in the kitchen doing yet more maths. After some time, we went outside into the sun to chuck a Frisbee around. I've had this fucking Frisbee ages, and only used it once. And even then it was when my niece chucked it straight at my nephew's head. Yes, he cried...

I let Steve use my computer to scan some letters and send email. He then proceeded to look at some FHM style model pictures. Not my cup of tea. Then he was looking at porn of Japanese women, I was slightly fucking angry, and told him I was offended. He said sorry, and went home. There's no problem, and I didn't make a big thing of it. We might start meeting-up to go running and possibly some climbing... it might happen.

Got change ?

I've been bracing myself for the next big disaster to strike. Today I saw something beautiful be destroyed. It was obviously going to happen. I hate those people with a passion, I was just trying to ignore them before. Why do they take something I admire and love, turn it into their version of useless shite. HATE HATE HATE !!!!

They are not Low Life, Just People having a Good Time...

Didn't go outside today, just revision. Though at one point I was sitting on the balcony; a woman shouted-up asking me to let her into the building. I think she may have been a terrorist. Anyway, I let the terrorist in. She was in disguise wearing a summer dress and she also smiled alot. She had come ready prepared with the excuse, " I live on the top floor." That's good enough for me, come right on in. Anyway to cut a long story short, I've phoned the police and reported her, that will wipe the smile of her face. Who's laughing now !!! ME !! ME!!! THAT's WHO !! ! HAHAH hahaha MehahahhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHILE (TRUE) { Good_Times(float meta); }

Quite a bazaar Cathedral service today. The first reading started with a frail old man hobbling up to the stand. He proceeded to read with a large booming voice that made a few people flinch. This, and the mad man standing next to me, he kept mumbling out loud the word cunts, and stamping up and down. The sermon was accompanied with organ music that wouldn't have been out of place on a horror film.

I can now balance on the back legs of my chair for almost half a minute. I'm getting lots of practice; as it beats doing revision work. Now I only have to find some kind of real world application for chair balancing. OH dear, that would be a clown wouldn't it ?

Too Many Doughnuts, errr.... Secrets...

Woke up early got out of bed late, surprise, surprise.... Secondly, I Looked for disappointment on the Interweb, and found it.

I received a call from my mum, we arranged a time to meet. Awesome !!! that means I'm going to eat today. I met-up with my mum, she took me for lunch at the Greenhouse. After, we walked about Norwich for a bit. There was a rather large queue of people outside the Sci-fi shop. Mum and I went to nose at who it might be giving a book signing. We couldn't see, I pretended to browse the book shelves and get a glimps at who everyone was waiting for. A poster told us that it was Craig Charles from the television series Red Dwarf. There's supposed to be a new series of Red Dwarf. It's on channel 'Dave' and therefore crap, we can only assume that the BBC saw the pilot for the new series and told them to fuck-off.

Mum looked at some cosmetics in Boots. After what seemed like an eternity we left to walk to the bus stop. Some twat walked in front of me, but apparently it was my fault. The twat's bag somehow managed to hit my foot, as I continued to walk I heard some remarks calling me err... don't remember. I continued to walk, mum stopped to go into a paper shop, as I turned to follow I saw twat now standing at the corner of the street doing some kind of monkey dance. I gave the usual response by first looking at said twat, then laughed at him. Followed mum into the shop. As we came out I made sure I was first, expecting trouble, but he had fucked-off. Got on the park and ride to the airport.

Mum offered to pay for a haircut. The first barber's shop I visited wanted to steal my money, how much for a trim? he said thirteen pounds. wtf? I asked the question again, and he really did mean thirteen quid. I left saying I couldn't afford it. The next barber shop I visited I asked the price but he tried to baffle me with figures. I was still unsure of the price, though it was going to be somewhere in the region of nine pounds. It started at seven pound fifty for trim with clippers, or, Nine pound for scissor cut. When it was time to pay I gave ten pounds, and received fifty pence change.

Watched some tube clips for maths as revision.http://www.teachertube.com

Bye Bye Miss butterfly..

Did some more revision under the Henry Moore with Steve. It became a bit too windy so we moved to a secret location within campus. We found an area with leather sofas, it was so comfortable and after a while we didn't want to move back to our small rooms.

Later I left to go see my old friend Pete. Leaving plenty of time to get there. Oh dear, I worry that people think I'm following them. It's because sometimes I will bump into someone completely by chance but it always seems like I planned it. I knew of a friend who would be going to a party around the same time I travelled into the city. On the bus I noticed some others that I knew were going to the same place as the party. Shit, if I'm seen they are going to think I'm being a creep. I got off of the bus before the others, good I lost them. Some minutes later walking through the city centre I noticed the same people walking ahead of me. Damnit, it still looks like I'm headed the same direction as them. With earphones and rucksack I ran past them and a further 100 yards ahead. Well, that didn't look dodgy did it ?

Finally met Pete in the car park of where I use to work. We caught-up with each other's news for half an hour then said goodbye, with a promise to keep in touch.

Ran back into the city with weighted rucsack on my back. I think I remember at one point some twat pushed me on my shoulder (I just ignored him) and a little girl screamed at me as I ran past. Why I mention this, I don't know. Why I haven't violently assaulted anyone yet, I don't know.

Been listening to 'The Waterboys' a lot recently on my Ipod. Philip Glass will be coming to Norwich soon. Not sure I can afford the ticket, or afford my lack of self worth, going to see him on my own.

Digging for Fire

Wasted lots of time doing google searches for servers and passwords, and the old webcam trick. Listened to number station youtube music. Managed to do a very little amount of revision on complex numbers. I was going to see an old friend at 8:30pm but I was running late. Instead I returned a library book, then, walked around Norwich as quickly as I could. Then half fast walking and half jogging back to Uni. I tried to push myself as much as possible. I was holding too much energy and needed a release....


:( The girl from the room next door is squealing like a dog again. I can only assume there's some kind of murder taking place...

Swot Swot...

Finally decided to leave my room after laying about listening to Philip Glass on last.fm. I opened my door to find the cleaner standing in the hall, she was scribbling into a notebook. I must have given her a fright, dropping her notebook she was startled by my sudden appearance. She seemed to me to be hiding something. She quickly explained that she had to make notes on any damages for the head housekeeper.

Steve came over we sat outside in the sun under the Henry Moore sculpture revising C++. Steve's a good guy really, there's only one problem, and he will admit this openly. He's a incredible letch, I don't say anything but sometimes I find it embarrassing.

Steve knows people from Thetford that I went to college with. I mentioned someone I thought he might know, his response was, " yeah, he died of a heroine overdose." This guy I mentioned was quite a scary person, I didn't know him well, but he had invited himself a lift back home. The last time I saw him we were jumping into my car after a folk festival, making a quick get away... Harsh!

Later Steve went to the Sportspark to train some kids for the Athletics club. I returned to my room HUMph!!

Watched some security clips....
http://www.securitytube.net/

Japan Resort

The next few days will be rubbish, I've got no money left. I plan to visit Japan Resort in Second Life about four or five in the evening if you want to meet-up...


Went to get money on my credit card, denied. Went to go to the bank to get statement, oh yeah, it's Good Friday. There was a european market in the city centre...rubbish. There was also a fair in the park, not interested. Bought two onions and returned home. Somehow managed to waste another 12 hours checking email and Facebook in various states of undress. Took a couple of showers, just for fun. Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Krammer tries to live in the shower. Oh yeah watched some Seinfeld series 1 and B.S.G. I'm so alone.

a look on the Light Side

Things that have made me laugh today. Not laugh out loud in an insane way, so that people edge away from you on public transport !!! Honest!! Heh_

1) Some dude wearing a MiyaZaki t-shirt, why is that funny ? :/

2) Walking past the campus bookshop and seeing the book 'Core Pathology', yeah I know, this isn't really funny either !!

3) A bloke dressed as a 50's style Spiv, complete with hat waist coat and half undone old suitcase.

4) Remembering the Doughnuts I bought, and finding them in my rucksack

5) and something else, I can't remember, obviously not so hilarious.. I remembered !!! `Twas a sandwich board outside the museum publicising an Easter egg hunt for children. It was placed in front of the large dungeonesque entrance. Very sinister looking !!! Am I too weird for thinking like that ?


V=

Sweet Dreams

Got up very late again.. about 11:30. Went for coffee and maths and my friend the calculator. I'm better friends with my basic calculator than the graphic calculator. The graphic calculator has more features but I never know what buttons to press. Thought I would stop at china world to buy some packet noodles. I asked the woman which ones didn't contain meat. She short changed me by one pound. The price totalled one pound fourty-eight, I gave her two pound fourty-eight. As she handed me the receipt she said would you like a bag. I was a Little confused that she didn't give me change, but I just said no thank-you and left, assuming that I would receive some sort of reward later in the afterlife.

On the way back I was trying to cross the road, standing by the side of the parked cars, suddenly, a car full of old people drove at me from the other side of the road, blocking the oncoming traffic and the people behind them. They were trying to park in the empty space but they weren't happy with just parking. I had to move as well. I crossed the road in front of the 4x4 behind them which proceeded to sound its horn at me. I just ignored them, but I was ready to snap at this point. I had to get to the bus stop quickly before I started being the twat that I am.

Up at 11am and I was back in bed 3pm, I've slept like a corpse for five hours.

Bum Note Records

GEH !!! my memory has gone because I just spent most of the day walking around. OK..

Saw Powie in the campus shop he pretended not to see me and I didn't let on I saw him too. Maybe he's read what I wrote about him. Most people try to walk away from me nower days, I can't say I'm bothered..

1) Did some reading in the Forum coffee place. A strange woman sat near me and seemed to be trying to catch my attention. She wore strange boots like she was some kind of dominatrix, and her perfume was over powering. The other side of of where I sat, was a young lady giving helpful advice to a middle aged lady. She seemed to have all the right answers, as she helped sort the womans troubles. She seemed so wise, I was rather attracted to her, as you know that doesn't happen to me often. Not sure why but the woman with the boots made me think of Les Dawson playing the piano, hitting all the wrong notes. After doing some maths problems using my clipboard (Hahah!! I'm such a twat) I returned to campus.

2) Walked around the park and then the lake.

3) Went for a long walk into the city. I hadn't planned to, I was actually walking to the petrol station but then I just kept going. Coming out of Tescos a group of kids asked me for spare change. No, but I got this plastic bag to tape 'round your face, you little turd...

4) Took a look around the Library only to find I hadn't got my library card on me. So back to my room by bus, as I got on some chav shouted something at me, I couldn't hear him as I had my headphones on.

4) Got library card and return to the library. Made the mistake of walking Prince of Whales road with a book on `Mathematics for Science Students' under my arm. As I walked past one girl she shouted, "fuck-off you gay !!!" *cackle*. Got the bus home, drank tea slept for ages, might do some revision.

I've eat lots of junk food today, it's probably replacement for human affection.

Contracted Friends

Rock Lobster B-52_s
Uploaded by linoc804

Called Adam to tell him we will meet at noon to see Sean, our potential landlord. I mentioned that I was just off into the city to meet Chris. Adam decided to come along too. In the coffee shop Adam decided that the tea packets on display were like condom packets. He took great delight in shouting, "I thought they were condoms, Hahah !!! Earl Grey condoms." I was slightly fucking embarrassed but just went along with it. Chris finally arrived and we caught the bus back to campus. As we reached UEA we saw Sean. He was speaking on his mobile, and obviously having a private conversation. I looked over and waved just as Adam and Chris started to walk straight towards him. I can only imagine they intended to try purposefully piss him off. We headed to the CMP lab to get some free print-outs of the contract.

After the meeting in which I was the only person to pay cash on the deposit, we headed back into the city to eat noodles at Chopsticks. I now know what people feel like when they get stuck with me as I tag along. Difference is I would rather people just be rude if they didn't want me there. So now I'm locked-in to living with people I find difficult after 10 minutes let alone 12 months. They joked about how I will have to go clubing with them.

On the anger front, things aren't much better. I'm throwing myself in to maths and possibly giving-up Facebook. Always filled full of disappointment.

Please Don't be-Long my sweet

Sat drinking coffee with a book on Algebra. Met Powie at the bus stop. He said he hadn't eaten for three days and had just stuffed himself on noodles at Chopsticks, a strange choice of breakfast really. He got offended when I told him if he ever needed food I'd give him mine. He then went on to ask why I was dressed-up and had I been to church. I've just run-out of clean clothes to wear accept my white shirt. Back at campus we went for a walk around the lake. Powie is from a very different culture and some of the stuff he says is just harsh. He told me that he sometimes kicks cats and dogs, and when he was younger he stuck kittens in a mango tree to see if they could get down. There was loads of other harsh shit but I'm not going to divulge.

Went to my room and read some security sites. Then quickly became bored soI went for a walk in to the city and back. Walked around hoping to bump in to anyone I know, there was no-one. Where has everyone gone ? It's Easter break so campus seems so empty like my fridge..

I will lay-off the running tonight. It's no longer a healthy kind of running. It's running because of the need to; so tired today. It's now like a mental illness where I will run until I collapse, and then decide I haven't done enough, start all over again.. like punishment, I want punishment.

Later in the night I went for long walk, did lots of rolling and throwing myself down steps. I'm bruised all over but I still feel nothing... nothing is ever right, what the fuck is wrong with me, I think trees and lamp post might become bone and teeth soon I have to keep control, I will spend a large portion of tomorrow thinking quietly. This will come about a dramatic change, as I will channel energies to something positive.

Too far to fall, so high to climb

Sorry, nothing happened today:(

Met with mum, she bought me food and wash stuff. Mum kept asking what was wrong, and why I was looking so sad.

On the bus home the girl from Arizona, who lives across the hall got on. I walked back to my room with her. She's really introverted, shy but, nice. She spoke about how she's learning to speak French language but hates France. She will only be here for six months and doesn't have anyone to talk to.

Sat in my room the rest of the night, I'm afraid I started thinking again and started to become very angry. I'm sure you don't care, but it's about one particular person. He's actually really nice, and a good guy. This makes it more difficult as the hate slowly builds in my mind. Hate and Violence never achieves anything, doesn't matter, it's there, no-good just pretending. When I next see him I will try my best to be friendly. I think this might be difficult to do :(

Oh yeah, another thing... WTF is Harajuku Lovers Fragrance, so angRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I could eat easter eggs whole :((((((((((

Interesting

Cor has emailed me, lucky I spotted his email amongst the spam. Sorry Cor I haven't been putting much effort into these updates and the interesting stuff that happens in my life has to sometimes be cut. Usually I'm just moaning about shit on this blog and some stuff I maybe shouldn't write about.

Today I was invited in the best way possible to a BBQ. I received a txt, giving me the postcode of the house. Straight onto google maps and I had the location and a picture of the house. That's the best invite I ever received. At around 12:30 I went to the city to buy some beer and fish for the BBQ.

There were four of us at the BBQ. We all got pretty drunk 'cept Powie who is a Jehovah's I think. At one point he acted offended as I brought the subject of cannibals. When does that ever normally happen that someone else in the group has a grandfather who was possibly a cannibal. After eating meat and fish we watched some Southpark. I was petty drunk walking home and almost forgot about all my troubles. I expect to become drunk more often.

Didn't go to London, instead I sat in my room typing my 'personal development plan.' I hate having to do this, but it's coursework.

It's been a nice day again. Went for a walk around the park to try figure-out what I'm going to put in my PDP. Bumped into someone from my course(that wasn't the person I was looking for!!!) we discussed the assignment and I might of accidentally told him that I thought all the people on our course were losers. Of course I'm the only real loser.

When I was a kid after a four hour session of playing pacman or frac I would go to bed seeing the game still in my mind. This has been happening to me recently but in a slightly different way. I'm sometimes having nightmares about the little red notification symbol on Facebook. It's different because the significance of the Facebook indicator has real life social meaning.

Met Steve, he's been working as a guide for openday on campus. We went for a walk around the lake. We're planning to start a elite group of CMP students sometime in the near future...it will never happen Heh

Scores on the Shores

Woke up early today, partly so that I could get a decent shower with warm water. Not burning hot, and not freezing cold.

There's been many programmes about Japan recently on the BBC. One mentioned the suicide rate. Every year apparently 30,000 people kill themselves. A friend has also mentioned this fact to me. She says that she also has known and stopped friends that have felt depressed. I couldn't comment on why the suicide rate in Japan is so high, but I'm lead to believe that it's due to bullying and working long hours. But I wonder if there's something within Japanese culture that is contributing to the problem. Then again what the fuck do I know...

Some drunk smelly person was knocking about Tesco. He stood really close to me as I scanned my goods into the automatic checkout. Just as I was paying he started to ask me if I used a Tesco card and I could use his if I like. Didn't bother looking at him, just said no and blanked him. Something else that was strange was the other day some well dressed elderly man asked me for a pound to get home. I didn't think I heard him properly at first. As I leaned in to hear better, he stumbled back on his walking stick as if he thought I was going to hit him.

I've failed maths, I'm sure of it. Soon I will take the exam which will be 80% of the module; so there maybe a chance to recover. I fucking hope so, if anyone is capable of failing foundation level it's me.

Recently I gained the full first series of Seinfeld and Battlestar Galactica. Seinfeld never bores me, I can watch it over and over...

It was nice weather today, I totally spent it alone.

Met with Chris the other day. He looks so young, and he is. I'm fed-up, desperate to hear from my friend. I get the feeling it's all one sided on my part, in reality she hardly even recognises me as someone that even exists. Soon like most people I have known in my life she will be gone forever.

Another person from my school contacted me. They work in London during the week as a manager or something, he is a nurse. In his email he says, "I'm glad to see you doing well for yourself." If only he knew.

Oh Yeah, one other thing. There seems to be some kind of dirty protest going on in the kitchen. Nobody is clearing-up and they leave bits of food everywhere. Also, lots of broken bottles just left precariously in piles on the table.

He's the Bad Boy

Sat drinking coffee in Forum, using my eeepc to practice passing by address. It's true !!! You can't find decent Jazz CDs in Norwich. HMV is rubbish, so I ventured Anglia Square into the old record shops. Much better, I found a second hand CD for a friend. Though I'm not sure if it's really the kind of thing she was expecting. Not many piano solos.

Couldn't sleep, watched some Battle Star Galactica, it's not too bad. People have rated it as the same as 'The Wire' so I'm giving it a go. So I couldn't sleep, kept thinking about where has everyone gone. OK enough of that. I went for a run into the city and various places. On the way back drunk twats walking behind me started saying," let's get him." More of a drunk joke I guess, not really funny. I stopped and stood there while they walked past me, I don't give a fuck I want to be beaten-up. That way I might know I'm still exist. The girl kept saying, "please don't, leave him." But they just walked past. So I continued to walk, this time behind them. They started to joke and one put his arm around me pointing to his friend saying,"he's the one, he's the bad boy." I just laughed and then they fucked-off. Shame really this has been my third attempt to get attacked in the past two months. If you try with a group of men who are bigger than you they won't attack because you're too small. So I need to find someone with small mans complex.

Shake my Teeth

WTF? My cleaner this morning played me a pornographic ring tone on her mobile. She' in her 50s. Also, she keeps showing me pictures of her 16 year old granddaughter. I had to stand for about three minutes pretending to laugh while listen to such lyrics as," Yogi bear, Yogi bear, stuck it in her mouth."

Luckily I could listen to Belle and Sebastian on Last.fm instead. I never been to Tokyo but I like this song anyway, and look there's running in the video too. I do that, that's me that is. I wish;)

Bumped into someone I really like today, they hate me. I care, but I'm in denial. Walked away grinning like a fool, which of course I am.

Let us be Appalling

Didn't bother to go outside today, shame, it looked like nice weather. Watched aprogramme about Japan and Japanese fish. I don't think I'm ever going to make it to Japan, I'm too mental. Spent some time practicing bowing in front of a mirror. I have a new theory that if I act very lazy I will hopefully begin to feel guilty and do loads of work. The guilt hasn't kicked in yet, just drinking lots of tea.

This is a poem...well done me_

Lazy Ambition

Lazy ambition
Eyes half closed, watching the clouds
Life escaping me

Loveless mind, blank light
Effort expended not worth
Not worth the effort

Shadow of a soul
I leave myself behind with
With nobody near

Lifeless dead shadows
Nearing the death of my life
Lazy ambition

Timothy Weiermann

Fagin's Workshops and Seminar

Didn't get out of bed 'till eleven today. I just lay listening to last.fm with the curtains closed. One of the downsides to living in campus accommodation is that the cleaner enters the room every day around 10. It forces you to get dressed and not sit about stark bollock naked. Hmmm, maybe that's a good thing.

At two I went to C-hall to debate this weeks paper, haptics. I hadn't read the paper, and Adam the guy who suggested we read it, didn't even turn-up. Somehow I managed to turn the level of conversation to credit card fraud. It was obvious that everyone now sees me as a criminal. I made a basic mistake, not keeping the mouth closed.


One thing that was mentioned was that the University have bought about 12 haptic pens. Hopefully next week we may get to play with them. They cost about 5000 dollar each. They are considered cheap, and because of this I guess it was made cheaply too(apparently they break very easily.)


Link: Last.fm~The Killers

Dharma Bowl Overdraft

Arrived early at Norwich Buddhist Centre. There seemed to be someone i hadn't met before on reception, he was very friendly and welcoming. While I waited on the sofa, a large bald headed man came in to enquire about meditation class. They said that a class was about to start and that he was welcome to join in. You could tell that he didn't really want to as he made a half arsed excuse. Instead he asked about a CD on learning to meditate. He went further to explain that he would soon be going to Thailand to become a monk... wtf ? I wasn't convinced, then again, who am I to say ?

A lot of hints were made to leave a donation*cough* in the dharma bowl. I have no money, but through guilt I left a fiver, I don't think I will be going back. Not sure yet..

Recieved another MSG from an old school friend. Maybe when I next walk past him in the street I will say HI!! He is married with two boys, a house, many cars and probably new teeth :( Some of the memories though, Heh_ so funny..

Some hippy looking dude sat near me in Marzanos. He was on his mobile and seemed to be in an argument, he kept saying out loud, "There's a great big loaf in the veg box!!!" He hung-up, then a few seconds latter he was trying to ignore the rather groovy ring tone. Answering again he repeated, this time more firmly stating out loud,"there's a great big loaf in the veg box!!!" GEH, I guess you had to be there.
I wasn't necessarily laughing at him, just how bazaar the argument was sounding:)

Character Study this, Fucker !!!

Nothing to report, moan moan moan, still full of hate !!!

Been in the computer lab most of the day working on pointers and parsing by reference.

A SHIT DAY~ I think everyone is dead now.

You Only Live Twice

Met potential landlord with the two people from my course. I haven't even seen the inside of the house yet. They are already talking about BBQs, I'm not sure about living with meat eaters. Still, I've got no other options.

It was a nice day today, somehow I spent it sitting with said course mates in Anglia Square eating 1 pound Iceland choc ices. I want to kill myself_ instead I've been for an early morning run into the city and back under the watchful eye of the police.

Got my eeepc back with fixed keyboard. Managed to build-essentials but it still broke the openoffice packages even after pinning.

What am I going to do? My view of myself is at a all time low. I hate me, even the Buddhists hate me...

An old friend from way back got in contact with me from friends reunited. He and his family are successful estate agents and letting agency. I will write back to him, but it will be embarrassing explaining the last fifteen years. I know he has seen the dark too, 'cept his family are loaded and gave him a ready made job..

Tried to embed this 'Last.Fm' into the sidebar : Failed...

Tried to find-out how to parse vectors to functions in C++ : Failed...

Tried to communicate with the opposite sex : Failed...

Lookin the other Way

Before I met-up with mum, I sat drinking coffee in the Forum (surprise) I have to read a sixteen page paper about `haptics'. The more I read about haptics the angrier I feel; think I managed to read two pages before I gave-up.

Norwich Stop the War were doing a vigil outside, I did a pretty good job of ignoring them.

Mum took me to the Greenhouse for lunch, as always the people were top notch. It's always a pleasure to find solace there, away from the crowds of shoppers. If you have friends it's the best place you can take them to.( I nearly got into a fight (surprise)

Later when it had gotten dark, I was walking back to Constable Terrace. I noticed the rabbits suddenly start to run away from the trees. It made me think someone was in woods. Then with the sound of smashing glass three chavs on bicycles came careering down the road. It was too late to find a brick and chuck it at them. Like the Alan Partridge I am, I went to the security lodge to report them, in the vain hope they would catch hold of them and presumably drown them in the river.