Bye Bye Miss butterfly..

Did some more revision under the Henry Moore with Steve. It became a bit too windy so we moved to a secret location within campus. We found an area with leather sofas, it was so comfortable and after a while we didn't want to move back to our small rooms.

Later I left to go see my old friend Pete. Leaving plenty of time to get there. Oh dear, I worry that people think I'm following them. It's because sometimes I will bump into someone completely by chance but it always seems like I planned it. I knew of a friend who would be going to a party around the same time I travelled into the city. On the bus I noticed some others that I knew were going to the same place as the party. Shit, if I'm seen they are going to think I'm being a creep. I got off of the bus before the others, good I lost them. Some minutes later walking through the city centre I noticed the same people walking ahead of me. Damnit, it still looks like I'm headed the same direction as them. With earphones and rucksack I ran past them and a further 100 yards ahead. Well, that didn't look dodgy did it ?

Finally met Pete in the car park of where I use to work. We caught-up with each other's news for half an hour then said goodbye, with a promise to keep in touch.

Ran back into the city with weighted rucsack on my back. I think I remember at one point some twat pushed me on my shoulder (I just ignored him) and a little girl screamed at me as I ran past. Why I mention this, I don't know. Why I haven't violently assaulted anyone yet, I don't know.

Been listening to 'The Waterboys' a lot recently on my Ipod. Philip Glass will be coming to Norwich soon. Not sure I can afford the ticket, or afford my lack of self worth, going to see him on my own.

Digging for Fire

Wasted lots of time doing google searches for servers and passwords, and the old webcam trick. Listened to number station youtube music. Managed to do a very little amount of revision on complex numbers. I was going to see an old friend at 8:30pm but I was running late. Instead I returned a library book, then, walked around Norwich as quickly as I could. Then half fast walking and half jogging back to Uni. I tried to push myself as much as possible. I was holding too much energy and needed a release....


:( The girl from the room next door is squealing like a dog again. I can only assume there's some kind of murder taking place...

Swot Swot...

Finally decided to leave my room after laying about listening to Philip Glass on last.fm. I opened my door to find the cleaner standing in the hall, she was scribbling into a notebook. I must have given her a fright, dropping her notebook she was startled by my sudden appearance. She seemed to me to be hiding something. She quickly explained that she had to make notes on any damages for the head housekeeper.

Steve came over we sat outside in the sun under the Henry Moore sculpture revising C++. Steve's a good guy really, there's only one problem, and he will admit this openly. He's a incredible letch, I don't say anything but sometimes I find it embarrassing.

Steve knows people from Thetford that I went to college with. I mentioned someone I thought he might know, his response was, " yeah, he died of a heroine overdose." This guy I mentioned was quite a scary person, I didn't know him well, but he had invited himself a lift back home. The last time I saw him we were jumping into my car after a folk festival, making a quick get away... Harsh!

Later Steve went to the Sportspark to train some kids for the Athletics club. I returned to my room HUMph!!

Watched some security clips....
http://www.securitytube.net/

Japan Resort

The next few days will be rubbish, I've got no money left. I plan to visit Japan Resort in Second Life about four or five in the evening if you want to meet-up...


Went to get money on my credit card, denied. Went to go to the bank to get statement, oh yeah, it's Good Friday. There was a european market in the city centre...rubbish. There was also a fair in the park, not interested. Bought two onions and returned home. Somehow managed to waste another 12 hours checking email and Facebook in various states of undress. Took a couple of showers, just for fun. Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Krammer tries to live in the shower. Oh yeah watched some Seinfeld series 1 and B.S.G. I'm so alone.

a look on the Light Side

Things that have made me laugh today. Not laugh out loud in an insane way, so that people edge away from you on public transport !!! Honest!! Heh_

1) Some dude wearing a MiyaZaki t-shirt, why is that funny ? :/

2) Walking past the campus bookshop and seeing the book 'Core Pathology', yeah I know, this isn't really funny either !!

3) A bloke dressed as a 50's style Spiv, complete with hat waist coat and half undone old suitcase.

4) Remembering the Doughnuts I bought, and finding them in my rucksack

5) and something else, I can't remember, obviously not so hilarious.. I remembered !!! `Twas a sandwich board outside the museum publicising an Easter egg hunt for children. It was placed in front of the large dungeonesque entrance. Very sinister looking !!! Am I too weird for thinking like that ?


V=

Sweet Dreams

Got up very late again.. about 11:30. Went for coffee and maths and my friend the calculator. I'm better friends with my basic calculator than the graphic calculator. The graphic calculator has more features but I never know what buttons to press. Thought I would stop at china world to buy some packet noodles. I asked the woman which ones didn't contain meat. She short changed me by one pound. The price totalled one pound fourty-eight, I gave her two pound fourty-eight. As she handed me the receipt she said would you like a bag. I was a Little confused that she didn't give me change, but I just said no thank-you and left, assuming that I would receive some sort of reward later in the afterlife.

On the way back I was trying to cross the road, standing by the side of the parked cars, suddenly, a car full of old people drove at me from the other side of the road, blocking the oncoming traffic and the people behind them. They were trying to park in the empty space but they weren't happy with just parking. I had to move as well. I crossed the road in front of the 4x4 behind them which proceeded to sound its horn at me. I just ignored them, but I was ready to snap at this point. I had to get to the bus stop quickly before I started being the twat that I am.

Up at 11am and I was back in bed 3pm, I've slept like a corpse for five hours.

Bum Note Records

GEH !!! my memory has gone because I just spent most of the day walking around. OK..

Saw Powie in the campus shop he pretended not to see me and I didn't let on I saw him too. Maybe he's read what I wrote about him. Most people try to walk away from me nower days, I can't say I'm bothered..

1) Did some reading in the Forum coffee place. A strange woman sat near me and seemed to be trying to catch my attention. She wore strange boots like she was some kind of dominatrix, and her perfume was over powering. The other side of of where I sat, was a young lady giving helpful advice to a middle aged lady. She seemed to have all the right answers, as she helped sort the womans troubles. She seemed so wise, I was rather attracted to her, as you know that doesn't happen to me often. Not sure why but the woman with the boots made me think of Les Dawson playing the piano, hitting all the wrong notes. After doing some maths problems using my clipboard (Hahah!! I'm such a twat) I returned to campus.

2) Walked around the park and then the lake.

3) Went for a long walk into the city. I hadn't planned to, I was actually walking to the petrol station but then I just kept going. Coming out of Tescos a group of kids asked me for spare change. No, but I got this plastic bag to tape 'round your face, you little turd...

4) Took a look around the Library only to find I hadn't got my library card on me. So back to my room by bus, as I got on some chav shouted something at me, I couldn't hear him as I had my headphones on.

4) Got library card and return to the library. Made the mistake of walking Prince of Whales road with a book on `Mathematics for Science Students' under my arm. As I walked past one girl she shouted, "fuck-off you gay !!!" *cackle*. Got the bus home, drank tea slept for ages, might do some revision.

I've eat lots of junk food today, it's probably replacement for human affection.

Contracted Friends

Rock Lobster B-52_s
Uploaded by linoc804

Called Adam to tell him we will meet at noon to see Sean, our potential landlord. I mentioned that I was just off into the city to meet Chris. Adam decided to come along too. In the coffee shop Adam decided that the tea packets on display were like condom packets. He took great delight in shouting, "I thought they were condoms, Hahah !!! Earl Grey condoms." I was slightly fucking embarrassed but just went along with it. Chris finally arrived and we caught the bus back to campus. As we reached UEA we saw Sean. He was speaking on his mobile, and obviously having a private conversation. I looked over and waved just as Adam and Chris started to walk straight towards him. I can only imagine they intended to try purposefully piss him off. We headed to the CMP lab to get some free print-outs of the contract.

After the meeting in which I was the only person to pay cash on the deposit, we headed back into the city to eat noodles at Chopsticks. I now know what people feel like when they get stuck with me as I tag along. Difference is I would rather people just be rude if they didn't want me there. So now I'm locked-in to living with people I find difficult after 10 minutes let alone 12 months. They joked about how I will have to go clubing with them.

On the anger front, things aren't much better. I'm throwing myself in to maths and possibly giving-up Facebook. Always filled full of disappointment.

Please Don't be-Long my sweet

Sat drinking coffee with a book on Algebra. Met Powie at the bus stop. He said he hadn't eaten for three days and had just stuffed himself on noodles at Chopsticks, a strange choice of breakfast really. He got offended when I told him if he ever needed food I'd give him mine. He then went on to ask why I was dressed-up and had I been to church. I've just run-out of clean clothes to wear accept my white shirt. Back at campus we went for a walk around the lake. Powie is from a very different culture and some of the stuff he says is just harsh. He told me that he sometimes kicks cats and dogs, and when he was younger he stuck kittens in a mango tree to see if they could get down. There was loads of other harsh shit but I'm not going to divulge.

Went to my room and read some security sites. Then quickly became bored soI went for a walk in to the city and back. Walked around hoping to bump in to anyone I know, there was no-one. Where has everyone gone ? It's Easter break so campus seems so empty like my fridge..

I will lay-off the running tonight. It's no longer a healthy kind of running. It's running because of the need to; so tired today. It's now like a mental illness where I will run until I collapse, and then decide I haven't done enough, start all over again.. like punishment, I want punishment.

Later in the night I went for long walk, did lots of rolling and throwing myself down steps. I'm bruised all over but I still feel nothing... nothing is ever right, what the fuck is wrong with me, I think trees and lamp post might become bone and teeth soon I have to keep control, I will spend a large portion of tomorrow thinking quietly. This will come about a dramatic change, as I will channel energies to something positive.

Too far to fall, so high to climb

Sorry, nothing happened today:(

Met with mum, she bought me food and wash stuff. Mum kept asking what was wrong, and why I was looking so sad.

On the bus home the girl from Arizona, who lives across the hall got on. I walked back to my room with her. She's really introverted, shy but, nice. She spoke about how she's learning to speak French language but hates France. She will only be here for six months and doesn't have anyone to talk to.

Sat in my room the rest of the night, I'm afraid I started thinking again and started to become very angry. I'm sure you don't care, but it's about one particular person. He's actually really nice, and a good guy. This makes it more difficult as the hate slowly builds in my mind. Hate and Violence never achieves anything, doesn't matter, it's there, no-good just pretending. When I next see him I will try my best to be friendly. I think this might be difficult to do :(

Oh yeah, another thing... WTF is Harajuku Lovers Fragrance, so angRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I could eat easter eggs whole :((((((((((

Interesting

Cor has emailed me, lucky I spotted his email amongst the spam. Sorry Cor I haven't been putting much effort into these updates and the interesting stuff that happens in my life has to sometimes be cut. Usually I'm just moaning about shit on this blog and some stuff I maybe shouldn't write about.

Today I was invited in the best way possible to a BBQ. I received a txt, giving me the postcode of the house. Straight onto google maps and I had the location and a picture of the house. That's the best invite I ever received. At around 12:30 I went to the city to buy some beer and fish for the BBQ.

There were four of us at the BBQ. We all got pretty drunk 'cept Powie who is a Jehovah's I think. At one point he acted offended as I brought the subject of cannibals. When does that ever normally happen that someone else in the group has a grandfather who was possibly a cannibal. After eating meat and fish we watched some Southpark. I was petty drunk walking home and almost forgot about all my troubles. I expect to become drunk more often.

Didn't go to London, instead I sat in my room typing my 'personal development plan.' I hate having to do this, but it's coursework.

It's been a nice day again. Went for a walk around the park to try figure-out what I'm going to put in my PDP. Bumped into someone from my course(that wasn't the person I was looking for!!!) we discussed the assignment and I might of accidentally told him that I thought all the people on our course were losers. Of course I'm the only real loser.

When I was a kid after a four hour session of playing pacman or frac I would go to bed seeing the game still in my mind. This has been happening to me recently but in a slightly different way. I'm sometimes having nightmares about the little red notification symbol on Facebook. It's different because the significance of the Facebook indicator has real life social meaning.

Met Steve, he's been working as a guide for openday on campus. We went for a walk around the lake. We're planning to start a elite group of CMP students sometime in the near future...it will never happen Heh

Scores on the Shores

Woke up early today, partly so that I could get a decent shower with warm water. Not burning hot, and not freezing cold.

There's been many programmes about Japan recently on the BBC. One mentioned the suicide rate. Every year apparently 30,000 people kill themselves. A friend has also mentioned this fact to me. She says that she also has known and stopped friends that have felt depressed. I couldn't comment on why the suicide rate in Japan is so high, but I'm lead to believe that it's due to bullying and working long hours. But I wonder if there's something within Japanese culture that is contributing to the problem. Then again what the fuck do I know...

Some drunk smelly person was knocking about Tesco. He stood really close to me as I scanned my goods into the automatic checkout. Just as I was paying he started to ask me if I used a Tesco card and I could use his if I like. Didn't bother looking at him, just said no and blanked him. Something else that was strange was the other day some well dressed elderly man asked me for a pound to get home. I didn't think I heard him properly at first. As I leaned in to hear better, he stumbled back on his walking stick as if he thought I was going to hit him.

I've failed maths, I'm sure of it. Soon I will take the exam which will be 80% of the module; so there maybe a chance to recover. I fucking hope so, if anyone is capable of failing foundation level it's me.

Recently I gained the full first series of Seinfeld and Battlestar Galactica. Seinfeld never bores me, I can watch it over and over...

It was nice weather today, I totally spent it alone.

Met with Chris the other day. He looks so young, and he is. I'm fed-up, desperate to hear from my friend. I get the feeling it's all one sided on my part, in reality she hardly even recognises me as someone that even exists. Soon like most people I have known in my life she will be gone forever.

Another person from my school contacted me. They work in London during the week as a manager or something, he is a nurse. In his email he says, "I'm glad to see you doing well for yourself." If only he knew.

Oh Yeah, one other thing. There seems to be some kind of dirty protest going on in the kitchen. Nobody is clearing-up and they leave bits of food everywhere. Also, lots of broken bottles just left precariously in piles on the table.

He's the Bad Boy

Sat drinking coffee in Forum, using my eeepc to practice passing by address. It's true !!! You can't find decent Jazz CDs in Norwich. HMV is rubbish, so I ventured Anglia Square into the old record shops. Much better, I found a second hand CD for a friend. Though I'm not sure if it's really the kind of thing she was expecting. Not many piano solos.

Couldn't sleep, watched some Battle Star Galactica, it's not too bad. People have rated it as the same as 'The Wire' so I'm giving it a go. So I couldn't sleep, kept thinking about where has everyone gone. OK enough of that. I went for a run into the city and various places. On the way back drunk twats walking behind me started saying," let's get him." More of a drunk joke I guess, not really funny. I stopped and stood there while they walked past me, I don't give a fuck I want to be beaten-up. That way I might know I'm still exist. The girl kept saying, "please don't, leave him." But they just walked past. So I continued to walk, this time behind them. They started to joke and one put his arm around me pointing to his friend saying,"he's the one, he's the bad boy." I just laughed and then they fucked-off. Shame really this has been my third attempt to get attacked in the past two months. If you try with a group of men who are bigger than you they won't attack because you're too small. So I need to find someone with small mans complex.

Shake my Teeth

WTF? My cleaner this morning played me a pornographic ring tone on her mobile. She' in her 50s. Also, she keeps showing me pictures of her 16 year old granddaughter. I had to stand for about three minutes pretending to laugh while listen to such lyrics as," Yogi bear, Yogi bear, stuck it in her mouth."

Luckily I could listen to Belle and Sebastian on Last.fm instead. I never been to Tokyo but I like this song anyway, and look there's running in the video too. I do that, that's me that is. I wish;)

Bumped into someone I really like today, they hate me. I care, but I'm in denial. Walked away grinning like a fool, which of course I am.

Let us be Appalling

Didn't bother to go outside today, shame, it looked like nice weather. Watched aprogramme about Japan and Japanese fish. I don't think I'm ever going to make it to Japan, I'm too mental. Spent some time practicing bowing in front of a mirror. I have a new theory that if I act very lazy I will hopefully begin to feel guilty and do loads of work. The guilt hasn't kicked in yet, just drinking lots of tea.

This is a poem...well done me_

Lazy Ambition

Lazy ambition
Eyes half closed, watching the clouds
Life escaping me

Loveless mind, blank light
Effort expended not worth
Not worth the effort

Shadow of a soul
I leave myself behind with
With nobody near

Lifeless dead shadows
Nearing the death of my life
Lazy ambition

Timothy Weiermann

Fagin's Workshops and Seminar

Didn't get out of bed 'till eleven today. I just lay listening to last.fm with the curtains closed. One of the downsides to living in campus accommodation is that the cleaner enters the room every day around 10. It forces you to get dressed and not sit about stark bollock naked. Hmmm, maybe that's a good thing.

At two I went to C-hall to debate this weeks paper, haptics. I hadn't read the paper, and Adam the guy who suggested we read it, didn't even turn-up. Somehow I managed to turn the level of conversation to credit card fraud. It was obvious that everyone now sees me as a criminal. I made a basic mistake, not keeping the mouth closed.


One thing that was mentioned was that the University have bought about 12 haptic pens. Hopefully next week we may get to play with them. They cost about 5000 dollar each. They are considered cheap, and because of this I guess it was made cheaply too(apparently they break very easily.)


Link: Last.fm~The Killers

Dharma Bowl Overdraft

Arrived early at Norwich Buddhist Centre. There seemed to be someone i hadn't met before on reception, he was very friendly and welcoming. While I waited on the sofa, a large bald headed man came in to enquire about meditation class. They said that a class was about to start and that he was welcome to join in. You could tell that he didn't really want to as he made a half arsed excuse. Instead he asked about a CD on learning to meditate. He went further to explain that he would soon be going to Thailand to become a monk... wtf ? I wasn't convinced, then again, who am I to say ?

A lot of hints were made to leave a donation*cough* in the dharma bowl. I have no money, but through guilt I left a fiver, I don't think I will be going back. Not sure yet..

Recieved another MSG from an old school friend. Maybe when I next walk past him in the street I will say HI!! He is married with two boys, a house, many cars and probably new teeth :( Some of the memories though, Heh_ so funny..

Some hippy looking dude sat near me in Marzanos. He was on his mobile and seemed to be in an argument, he kept saying out loud, "There's a great big loaf in the veg box!!!" He hung-up, then a few seconds latter he was trying to ignore the rather groovy ring tone. Answering again he repeated, this time more firmly stating out loud,"there's a great big loaf in the veg box!!!" GEH, I guess you had to be there.
I wasn't necessarily laughing at him, just how bazaar the argument was sounding:)

Character Study this, Fucker !!!

Nothing to report, moan moan moan, still full of hate !!!

Been in the computer lab most of the day working on pointers and parsing by reference.

A SHIT DAY~ I think everyone is dead now.

You Only Live Twice

Met potential landlord with the two people from my course. I haven't even seen the inside of the house yet. They are already talking about BBQs, I'm not sure about living with meat eaters. Still, I've got no other options.

It was a nice day today, somehow I spent it sitting with said course mates in Anglia Square eating 1 pound Iceland choc ices. I want to kill myself_ instead I've been for an early morning run into the city and back under the watchful eye of the police.

Got my eeepc back with fixed keyboard. Managed to build-essentials but it still broke the openoffice packages even after pinning.

What am I going to do? My view of myself is at a all time low. I hate me, even the Buddhists hate me...

An old friend from way back got in contact with me from friends reunited. He and his family are successful estate agents and letting agency. I will write back to him, but it will be embarrassing explaining the last fifteen years. I know he has seen the dark too, 'cept his family are loaded and gave him a ready made job..