I got nothing, hid in my room all day.. I would like to say I was thinking, but not even that. Confidence is low again, I feel ugly and boring. I can't understand anyone.

Just Like Magic

Received an encouraging message through Facebook today. It was from Miyuki, that's cheered me up no-end. I haven't seen Miyuki for awhile now.

I'm not sure if I was allowed but I made another appointment to see Robert the maths man. Tomorrow I will try steal more maths from him..

Sat in Norwich Cathedral's cloisters doing some maths. I was thinking it would be the ideal place to work. No !! I forgot, there's building work, and a group of mothers sat on the cloisters garth singing nursery rhymes playing the guitar. I thought about going over to them and shouting at them to SHUT-UP!! But that would just be wrong,(Heh_just kidding) actually the woman had a rather pleasant singing voice. As I got-up to leave I noticed the guy from the Greenhouse cafe. He said hello and explained he was showing a visiting friend the tourist sites of Norwich.

Walking back to the bus stop I recognised many people mainly involved with the Greenparty. When I finally arrived at the bus stop I was pleasantly surprised to see Miyuki waiting. On the bus journey home Miyuki talked about her dissertation she has yet to write. I tried to engage her in conversation and be interesting (though I know I'm not.) Miyuki kept yawning, I like to think it's because she was tired.

I really don't know what Japanese people are thinking. I'm sure they sometimes say one thing, but secretly mean something else. More through being polite, and not offending, probably.

I've had a crik in my neck all day, as a consequence, a blind spot on my left side makes me keep bashing my face into doors.

Like Warm Arms Around Me

I've done nothing, barely made it out of bed... Today was completely lost to me.

To Right a Write

Spent two hours with Robert doing calculus. It was strange, he made me stand writing the functions on the whiteboard. After awhile I started to think I was a teacher, standing with one hand in my pocket pen in the other. Great fun, I love maths when I understand what's going on. I kept making conversation with Robert, I somehow felt obliged since I was stealing so much maths from him. It's his job to be learning support, though that's no reason to treat him like a maths robot. After the two hours had finished we spoke about art and science and how they may interrelate.

I caught the smiling terrorist woman on her way down the steps. She's actually quite sweet, she said something about camping, and how we haven't got any tap water. I couldn't understand what she was saying and nodded in agreement. I think she might be South African, I hope not.

Still no water. I haven't been able to flush my bog, It stinks to high heaven !!! A bit like Prince of Whales Street :)) Hhaahah!!!

Was just about to go sneak into the Sportspark and have another shower. As I left the building I could smell the smell of cleanliness like someone who had just showered. I checked the tap, yes !!! We have water, let's not stink anymore !!!

I'm leaving jars of honey dotted about the place, in the hope of making people interested in honey and bees. SAVE THE HONEY BEE !!!

Sniffing the Rats

A girl, well I think it was a girl ? called me a fucking cunt in Asda because she was in my way. I hit her basket with my shopping trolly.
Went for my usual Saturday night cruise. Many things happend, all deeply sickening!!! Walked past Loki. Coincedence ? Walked past a group of Saturday night Prince of Whale Street twats, all calling me 'cunt'. Some kids threw an egg at me, they missed. I've twisted my ankle slightly running home, there's no real damage.

Out of Time

Such a miserable day. The weather is fantastic but I'm so miserable. Collected some coursework from the CMP department. I then went to Norwich library to do some revision. As I entered the Forum library a woman with a clipboard asked me if I had some spare time to answer questions. I ignored her and continued to walk. I could here her as I walked away telling me how rude I was. Maybe I could have had her arrested for harassment ? Didn't get much done so I came back to my room, my face was looking like a slapped fish. On the way out from the library either the same woman or another tried to stop me again. Nobody speaks to me unless they want something, why can't they just fuck-off and leave me alone.

Watched some Seinfeld then went back to bed. I thought I could kill a few hours of my worthless life, but woke only after one hour. I'm just sitting here staring into space. Obviously if I had cake maybe things would be different. I'm so old and can't see any point...

I'm feeling provoked by strange forces and coincidence. This one person who I noticed recently. I googled his home address last night using google maps. This morning he cycled past the bus I was on at least three times, and seemed to be at every corner I turned. This sort of stuff happens a lot to me, I keep telling myself it's coincidence. But wtf ? I can't help think there must be something more to it.

I broke into the emergency ration of tea today. I've had a packet of Oolong tea stored away for some time now. It's really quite nice, wish I had bothered to try it earlier.

Maths' Mountain

Went for my 11 a.m. appointment to go see the math dude. I got 'one to one' tuition for two hours on derivatives. It was amazing, really enjoyed it. Robert, the guy who was teaching gave loads of encouragement. I really don't like asking questions, and think I should learn stuff by myself. So, so, wrong !!! Robert's office was a tiny room with no windows, and a white board on the wall. I joked about his office not having any windows, and it being a bright sunny day outside. I think he saw the funny side, though I'm not so sure.

After, I went to the coffee shop to do further derivatives from the worksheet Robert had given me. Then back to University to meet Steve. We sat in the kitchen doing yet more maths. After some time, we went outside into the sun to chuck a Frisbee around. I've had this fucking Frisbee ages, and only used it once. And even then it was when my niece chucked it straight at my nephew's head. Yes, he cried...

I let Steve use my computer to scan some letters and send email. He then proceeded to look at some FHM style model pictures. Not my cup of tea. Then he was looking at porn of Japanese women, I was slightly fucking angry, and told him I was offended. He said sorry, and went home. There's no problem, and I didn't make a big thing of it. We might start meeting-up to go running and possibly some climbing... it might happen.

Got change ?

I've been bracing myself for the next big disaster to strike. Today I saw something beautiful be destroyed. It was obviously going to happen. I hate those people with a passion, I was just trying to ignore them before. Why do they take something I admire and love, turn it into their version of useless shite. HATE HATE HATE !!!!

They are not Low Life, Just People having a Good Time...

Didn't go outside today, just revision. Though at one point I was sitting on the balcony; a woman shouted-up asking me to let her into the building. I think she may have been a terrorist. Anyway, I let the terrorist in. She was in disguise wearing a summer dress and she also smiled alot. She had come ready prepared with the excuse, " I live on the top floor." That's good enough for me, come right on in. Anyway to cut a long story short, I've phoned the police and reported her, that will wipe the smile of her face. Who's laughing now !!! ME !! ME!!! THAT's WHO !! ! HAHAH hahaha MehahahhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHILE (TRUE) { Good_Times(float meta); }

Quite a bazaar Cathedral service today. The first reading started with a frail old man hobbling up to the stand. He proceeded to read with a large booming voice that made a few people flinch. This, and the mad man standing next to me, he kept mumbling out loud the word cunts, and stamping up and down. The sermon was accompanied with organ music that wouldn't have been out of place on a horror film.

I can now balance on the back legs of my chair for almost half a minute. I'm getting lots of practice; as it beats doing revision work. Now I only have to find some kind of real world application for chair balancing. OH dear, that would be a clown wouldn't it ?

Too Many Doughnuts, errr.... Secrets...

Woke up early got out of bed late, surprise, surprise.... Secondly, I Looked for disappointment on the Interweb, and found it.

I received a call from my mum, we arranged a time to meet. Awesome !!! that means I'm going to eat today. I met-up with my mum, she took me for lunch at the Greenhouse. After, we walked about Norwich for a bit. There was a rather large queue of people outside the Sci-fi shop. Mum and I went to nose at who it might be giving a book signing. We couldn't see, I pretended to browse the book shelves and get a glimps at who everyone was waiting for. A poster told us that it was Craig Charles from the television series Red Dwarf. There's supposed to be a new series of Red Dwarf. It's on channel 'Dave' and therefore crap, we can only assume that the BBC saw the pilot for the new series and told them to fuck-off.

Mum looked at some cosmetics in Boots. After what seemed like an eternity we left to walk to the bus stop. Some twat walked in front of me, but apparently it was my fault. The twat's bag somehow managed to hit my foot, as I continued to walk I heard some remarks calling me err... don't remember. I continued to walk, mum stopped to go into a paper shop, as I turned to follow I saw twat now standing at the corner of the street doing some kind of monkey dance. I gave the usual response by first looking at said twat, then laughed at him. Followed mum into the shop. As we came out I made sure I was first, expecting trouble, but he had fucked-off. Got on the park and ride to the airport.

Mum offered to pay for a haircut. The first barber's shop I visited wanted to steal my money, how much for a trim? he said thirteen pounds. wtf? I asked the question again, and he really did mean thirteen quid. I left saying I couldn't afford it. The next barber shop I visited I asked the price but he tried to baffle me with figures. I was still unsure of the price, though it was going to be somewhere in the region of nine pounds. It started at seven pound fifty for trim with clippers, or, Nine pound for scissor cut. When it was time to pay I gave ten pounds, and received fifty pence change.

Watched some tube clips for maths as revision.http://www.teachertube.com

Bye Bye Miss butterfly..

Did some more revision under the Henry Moore with Steve. It became a bit too windy so we moved to a secret location within campus. We found an area with leather sofas, it was so comfortable and after a while we didn't want to move back to our small rooms.

Later I left to go see my old friend Pete. Leaving plenty of time to get there. Oh dear, I worry that people think I'm following them. It's because sometimes I will bump into someone completely by chance but it always seems like I planned it. I knew of a friend who would be going to a party around the same time I travelled into the city. On the bus I noticed some others that I knew were going to the same place as the party. Shit, if I'm seen they are going to think I'm being a creep. I got off of the bus before the others, good I lost them. Some minutes later walking through the city centre I noticed the same people walking ahead of me. Damnit, it still looks like I'm headed the same direction as them. With earphones and rucksack I ran past them and a further 100 yards ahead. Well, that didn't look dodgy did it ?

Finally met Pete in the car park of where I use to work. We caught-up with each other's news for half an hour then said goodbye, with a promise to keep in touch.

Ran back into the city with weighted rucsack on my back. I think I remember at one point some twat pushed me on my shoulder (I just ignored him) and a little girl screamed at me as I ran past. Why I mention this, I don't know. Why I haven't violently assaulted anyone yet, I don't know.

Been listening to 'The Waterboys' a lot recently on my Ipod. Philip Glass will be coming to Norwich soon. Not sure I can afford the ticket, or afford my lack of self worth, going to see him on my own.

Digging for Fire

Wasted lots of time doing google searches for servers and passwords, and the old webcam trick. Listened to number station youtube music. Managed to do a very little amount of revision on complex numbers. I was going to see an old friend at 8:30pm but I was running late. Instead I returned a library book, then, walked around Norwich as quickly as I could. Then half fast walking and half jogging back to Uni. I tried to push myself as much as possible. I was holding too much energy and needed a release....


:( The girl from the room next door is squealing like a dog again. I can only assume there's some kind of murder taking place...

Swot Swot...

Finally decided to leave my room after laying about listening to Philip Glass on last.fm. I opened my door to find the cleaner standing in the hall, she was scribbling into a notebook. I must have given her a fright, dropping her notebook she was startled by my sudden appearance. She seemed to me to be hiding something. She quickly explained that she had to make notes on any damages for the head housekeeper.

Steve came over we sat outside in the sun under the Henry Moore sculpture revising C++. Steve's a good guy really, there's only one problem, and he will admit this openly. He's a incredible letch, I don't say anything but sometimes I find it embarrassing.

Steve knows people from Thetford that I went to college with. I mentioned someone I thought he might know, his response was, " yeah, he died of a heroine overdose." This guy I mentioned was quite a scary person, I didn't know him well, but he had invited himself a lift back home. The last time I saw him we were jumping into my car after a folk festival, making a quick get away... Harsh!

Later Steve went to the Sportspark to train some kids for the Athletics club. I returned to my room HUMph!!

Watched some security clips....
http://www.securitytube.net/

Japan Resort

The next few days will be rubbish, I've got no money left. I plan to visit Japan Resort in Second Life about four or five in the evening if you want to meet-up...


Went to get money on my credit card, denied. Went to go to the bank to get statement, oh yeah, it's Good Friday. There was a european market in the city centre...rubbish. There was also a fair in the park, not interested. Bought two onions and returned home. Somehow managed to waste another 12 hours checking email and Facebook in various states of undress. Took a couple of showers, just for fun. Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Krammer tries to live in the shower. Oh yeah watched some Seinfeld series 1 and B.S.G. I'm so alone.

a look on the Light Side

Things that have made me laugh today. Not laugh out loud in an insane way, so that people edge away from you on public transport !!! Honest!! Heh_

1) Some dude wearing a MiyaZaki t-shirt, why is that funny ? :/

2) Walking past the campus bookshop and seeing the book 'Core Pathology', yeah I know, this isn't really funny either !!

3) A bloke dressed as a 50's style Spiv, complete with hat waist coat and half undone old suitcase.

4) Remembering the Doughnuts I bought, and finding them in my rucksack

5) and something else, I can't remember, obviously not so hilarious.. I remembered !!! `Twas a sandwich board outside the museum publicising an Easter egg hunt for children. It was placed in front of the large dungeonesque entrance. Very sinister looking !!! Am I too weird for thinking like that ?


V=

Sweet Dreams

Got up very late again.. about 11:30. Went for coffee and maths and my friend the calculator. I'm better friends with my basic calculator than the graphic calculator. The graphic calculator has more features but I never know what buttons to press. Thought I would stop at china world to buy some packet noodles. I asked the woman which ones didn't contain meat. She short changed me by one pound. The price totalled one pound fourty-eight, I gave her two pound fourty-eight. As she handed me the receipt she said would you like a bag. I was a Little confused that she didn't give me change, but I just said no thank-you and left, assuming that I would receive some sort of reward later in the afterlife.

On the way back I was trying to cross the road, standing by the side of the parked cars, suddenly, a car full of old people drove at me from the other side of the road, blocking the oncoming traffic and the people behind them. They were trying to park in the empty space but they weren't happy with just parking. I had to move as well. I crossed the road in front of the 4x4 behind them which proceeded to sound its horn at me. I just ignored them, but I was ready to snap at this point. I had to get to the bus stop quickly before I started being the twat that I am.

Up at 11am and I was back in bed 3pm, I've slept like a corpse for five hours.

Bum Note Records

GEH !!! my memory has gone because I just spent most of the day walking around. OK..

Saw Powie in the campus shop he pretended not to see me and I didn't let on I saw him too. Maybe he's read what I wrote about him. Most people try to walk away from me nower days, I can't say I'm bothered..

1) Did some reading in the Forum coffee place. A strange woman sat near me and seemed to be trying to catch my attention. She wore strange boots like she was some kind of dominatrix, and her perfume was over powering. The other side of of where I sat, was a young lady giving helpful advice to a middle aged lady. She seemed to have all the right answers, as she helped sort the womans troubles. She seemed so wise, I was rather attracted to her, as you know that doesn't happen to me often. Not sure why but the woman with the boots made me think of Les Dawson playing the piano, hitting all the wrong notes. After doing some maths problems using my clipboard (Hahah!! I'm such a twat) I returned to campus.

2) Walked around the park and then the lake.

3) Went for a long walk into the city. I hadn't planned to, I was actually walking to the petrol station but then I just kept going. Coming out of Tescos a group of kids asked me for spare change. No, but I got this plastic bag to tape 'round your face, you little turd...

4) Took a look around the Library only to find I hadn't got my library card on me. So back to my room by bus, as I got on some chav shouted something at me, I couldn't hear him as I had my headphones on.

4) Got library card and return to the library. Made the mistake of walking Prince of Whales road with a book on `Mathematics for Science Students' under my arm. As I walked past one girl she shouted, "fuck-off you gay !!!" *cackle*. Got the bus home, drank tea slept for ages, might do some revision.

I've eat lots of junk food today, it's probably replacement for human affection.

Contracted Friends

Rock Lobster B-52_s
Uploaded by linoc804

Called Adam to tell him we will meet at noon to see Sean, our potential landlord. I mentioned that I was just off into the city to meet Chris. Adam decided to come along too. In the coffee shop Adam decided that the tea packets on display were like condom packets. He took great delight in shouting, "I thought they were condoms, Hahah !!! Earl Grey condoms." I was slightly fucking embarrassed but just went along with it. Chris finally arrived and we caught the bus back to campus. As we reached UEA we saw Sean. He was speaking on his mobile, and obviously having a private conversation. I looked over and waved just as Adam and Chris started to walk straight towards him. I can only imagine they intended to try purposefully piss him off. We headed to the CMP lab to get some free print-outs of the contract.

After the meeting in which I was the only person to pay cash on the deposit, we headed back into the city to eat noodles at Chopsticks. I now know what people feel like when they get stuck with me as I tag along. Difference is I would rather people just be rude if they didn't want me there. So now I'm locked-in to living with people I find difficult after 10 minutes let alone 12 months. They joked about how I will have to go clubing with them.

On the anger front, things aren't much better. I'm throwing myself in to maths and possibly giving-up Facebook. Always filled full of disappointment.

Please Don't be-Long my sweet

Sat drinking coffee with a book on Algebra. Met Powie at the bus stop. He said he hadn't eaten for three days and had just stuffed himself on noodles at Chopsticks, a strange choice of breakfast really. He got offended when I told him if he ever needed food I'd give him mine. He then went on to ask why I was dressed-up and had I been to church. I've just run-out of clean clothes to wear accept my white shirt. Back at campus we went for a walk around the lake. Powie is from a very different culture and some of the stuff he says is just harsh. He told me that he sometimes kicks cats and dogs, and when he was younger he stuck kittens in a mango tree to see if they could get down. There was loads of other harsh shit but I'm not going to divulge.

Went to my room and read some security sites. Then quickly became bored soI went for a walk in to the city and back. Walked around hoping to bump in to anyone I know, there was no-one. Where has everyone gone ? It's Easter break so campus seems so empty like my fridge..

I will lay-off the running tonight. It's no longer a healthy kind of running. It's running because of the need to; so tired today. It's now like a mental illness where I will run until I collapse, and then decide I haven't done enough, start all over again.. like punishment, I want punishment.

Later in the night I went for long walk, did lots of rolling and throwing myself down steps. I'm bruised all over but I still feel nothing... nothing is ever right, what the fuck is wrong with me, I think trees and lamp post might become bone and teeth soon I have to keep control, I will spend a large portion of tomorrow thinking quietly. This will come about a dramatic change, as I will channel energies to something positive.

Too far to fall, so high to climb

Sorry, nothing happened today:(

Met with mum, she bought me food and wash stuff. Mum kept asking what was wrong, and why I was looking so sad.

On the bus home the girl from Arizona, who lives across the hall got on. I walked back to my room with her. She's really introverted, shy but, nice. She spoke about how she's learning to speak French language but hates France. She will only be here for six months and doesn't have anyone to talk to.

Sat in my room the rest of the night, I'm afraid I started thinking again and started to become very angry. I'm sure you don't care, but it's about one particular person. He's actually really nice, and a good guy. This makes it more difficult as the hate slowly builds in my mind. Hate and Violence never achieves anything, doesn't matter, it's there, no-good just pretending. When I next see him I will try my best to be friendly. I think this might be difficult to do :(

Oh yeah, another thing... WTF is Harajuku Lovers Fragrance, so angRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I could eat easter eggs whole :((((((((((

Interesting

Cor has emailed me, lucky I spotted his email amongst the spam. Sorry Cor I haven't been putting much effort into these updates and the interesting stuff that happens in my life has to sometimes be cut. Usually I'm just moaning about shit on this blog and some stuff I maybe shouldn't write about.

Today I was invited in the best way possible to a BBQ. I received a txt, giving me the postcode of the house. Straight onto google maps and I had the location and a picture of the house. That's the best invite I ever received. At around 12:30 I went to the city to buy some beer and fish for the BBQ.

There were four of us at the BBQ. We all got pretty drunk 'cept Powie who is a Jehovah's I think. At one point he acted offended as I brought the subject of cannibals. When does that ever normally happen that someone else in the group has a grandfather who was possibly a cannibal. After eating meat and fish we watched some Southpark. I was petty drunk walking home and almost forgot about all my troubles. I expect to become drunk more often.

Didn't go to London, instead I sat in my room typing my 'personal development plan.' I hate having to do this, but it's coursework.

It's been a nice day again. Went for a walk around the park to try figure-out what I'm going to put in my PDP. Bumped into someone from my course(that wasn't the person I was looking for!!!) we discussed the assignment and I might of accidentally told him that I thought all the people on our course were losers. Of course I'm the only real loser.

When I was a kid after a four hour session of playing pacman or frac I would go to bed seeing the game still in my mind. This has been happening to me recently but in a slightly different way. I'm sometimes having nightmares about the little red notification symbol on Facebook. It's different because the significance of the Facebook indicator has real life social meaning.

Met Steve, he's been working as a guide for openday on campus. We went for a walk around the lake. We're planning to start a elite group of CMP students sometime in the near future...it will never happen Heh